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Beester13's favorite FMLs
Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML
by oh god. / 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by wiona / 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML
by campus pussy / 03/22/2014 at 5:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML
by why / 03/14/2014 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by sh3lbst3r / 03/14/2014 at 6:59pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML
by DIY560 / 02/23/2014 at 10:59pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/23/2014 at 12:29pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by awkward / 02/22/2014 at 12:39am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML
by Anonymous / 02/21/2014 at 12:37pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy
Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML
by Anonymous / 02/16/2014 at 9:29pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by bruisedandconfused / 02/16/2014 at 5:47pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by extra crispy or original recipe / 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/10/2014 at 10:40am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, whilst getting out of the shower, I tripped on the lip of the siding, bruising my middle toe. I fell, and in doing so, squished my cat. She won't even make eye contact and keeps wheezing. I have a feeling she is plotting my death. FML
by Ashlynnlove / 02/10/2014 at 9:12am / United States / Animals
Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML
by jigglepuff / 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember… Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent… Today, in the middle of hot passionate sex with my husband, he stops and tells me he won't be able…