About Bartimaeus : I like to point out the faults in some retarded FMLs. I love the site. It is always worth going to. Most of my comments are so true that they are... offensive, at least. I try.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29108) - you deserved it (3236)
On 05/07/2012 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by coffeeshopgirl (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend bought me a gorgeous ring that I fell in love with. As he slid the ring on my finger for the first time, he started moving it up and down my finger and making loud sex sounds, completely ruining the romantic moment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29490) - you deserved it (5302)
On 09/27/2011 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33518) - you deserved it (19838)
On 09/07/2011 at 4:51am - intimacy - by sadsadperson (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34742) - you deserved it (6939)
On 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm - intimacy - by Katrina (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my professor's son died in a car accident and class has been cancelled until further notice. All my friends were delighted and cheered about it in front of me. I was dating my professor's son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (94639) - you deserved it (3544)
On 02/10/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16586) - you deserved it (2525)
Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28951) - you deserved it (4576)
On 01/02/2011 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)
Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6453) - you deserved it (26080)
On 11/26/2010 at 12:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33253) - you deserved it (6368)
On 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by single (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17205) - you deserved it (7928)
On 11/01/2010 at 2:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, in math class, I got an answer "wrong." The teacher yelled at me, then he realized that my answer was correct. Then he yelled at me for not correcting him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24617) - you deserved it (2331)
On 10/09/2010 at 4:22am - misc - by jessii - United States (New York)
Today, in the middle of class, I sneezed out the biggest, wettest booger I have ever seen in my life. I'd used the inside of my elbow to cover my nose, but I neglected to notice that my hair had fallen over my shoulder. I couldn't get it all out of my hair and I don't think any believed me when I said it was hair gel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18008) - you deserved it (3989)
On 10/07/2010 at 3:28pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a strip tease for him. I pulled my skirt down over my heels and tripped as I tried to step out of it. Not only did I pull a muscle in my leg but I elbowed him in the groin. So much for spice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18629) - you deserved it (6292)
On 10/01/2010 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15931) - you deserved it (1448)
On 09/28/2010 at 10:03am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got punched in the face by a girl for asking if she was okay after I had seen her crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24122) - you deserved it (3632)
On 09/21/2010 at 4:50am - misc - by teardrops - Australia (New South Wales)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
