Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2848
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

Balletmadxxx's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of Balletmadxxx's badges

Balletmadxxx's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say "hi" to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML

by ForgottenKid / 11/06/2009 at 1:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2009 at 5:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

by Garrett / 10/01/2009 at 1:58am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

by sarahh38 / 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, I played a goth character in my friend's student film with goth clothes, lip ring, eyeliner, etc. We went into Starbucks at break and an elderly man came up to me and said "Your kind is the reason for all the bad stuff in this world" and then spat in my $5 drink. FML

by comet5002 / 09/09/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

by flexibleflatulance / 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

by Ouchithurt / 08/04/2009 at 3:55am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, after 3 long hours of mowing the lawn with a rusty lawn mower, my dad finally decided to tell me that he didn't get any money out to pay me with. The reason? He didn't think girls could mow a lawn and was expecting me to give up. FML

by aatomkins / 08/02/2009 at 11:52am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

by dumbo / 07/30/2009 at 10:43am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

by porkfriedlife / 07/28/2009 at 4:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

by Mortified / 07/22/2009 at 5:48am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

by jadakorn / 07/11/2009 at 9:48am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

by the_captain / 06/22/2009 at 8:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

by WhyTheFNot / 06/20/2009 at 2:06pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

by vickyxanne / 06/12/2009 at 8:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love