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Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31298) - you deserved it (2939) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20715) - you deserved it (7959)
On 04/22/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by ultraattitude - United States (California)
Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18824) - you deserved it (4247)
On 04/14/2012 at 11:46pm - misc - by ilovechickens - United States
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19123) - you deserved it (4424)
On 03/07/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Sharibabi65 (woman) - United States
Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23096) - you deserved it (1196)
On 03/06/2012 at 7:34pm - misc - by Alex (woman) - United States
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20298) - you deserved it (2454) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I had a band concert and my mum got kicked out. She screamed "BORING!" in the middle of it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20757) - you deserved it (2214)
On 01/14/2012 at 8:34am - misc - by katie876 (woman) - United States
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27744) - you deserved it (4474)
On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24702) - you deserved it (2892)
On 09/21/2011 at 11:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9917) - you deserved it (46422)
On 08/29/2011 at 12:22pm - misc - by slut (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21973) - you deserved it (5908)
On 08/28/2011 at 6:37pm - work - by Andrew - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16291) - you deserved it (29477)
On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24413) - you deserved it (3459)
On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20482) - you deserved it (5597)
On 08/18/2011 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by BigmouthStrikesAgain (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19110) - you deserved it (8242)
On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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