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Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43379) - you deserved it (4508)
On 05/16/2013 at 5:23pm - love - by paging dr. kevorkian (man) - Netherlands
Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57980) - you deserved it (2989)
On 05/16/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42749) - you deserved it (3859)
On 05/13/2013 at 12:29am - animals - by JamiesMom (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52678) - you deserved it (3877)
On 05/07/2013 at 1:10am - misc - by the girl next door (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43722) - you deserved it (4672)
On 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43261) - you deserved it (4421)
On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53769) - you deserved it (7632)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54306) - you deserved it (5692)
On 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by future brain bleach addict (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19977) - you deserved it (43214)
On 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39194) - you deserved it (4473) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48387) - you deserved it (6849)
On 04/20/2013 at 9:43am - misc - by dentedmercedes - United States (Michigan)
Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML
I agree, your life sucks (49351) - you deserved it (5948)
On 04/20/2013 at 8:02am - love - by How strange - United States
Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41965) - you deserved it (4796)
On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40629) - you deserved it (4301)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26354) - you deserved it (1610)
On 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm - misc - by cheeseburglar_9000 (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Friday 24 May 2013
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