Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Axipiter

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

Axipiter

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 February 1984 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1107
  • Number of comments : 997
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Axipiter : Kick the tires and light the fires.

Axipiter's page activity

Visits<b>CaptainRR</b> - 3 hours ago<b>feven</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 6:11am<b>brettg87</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 5:02pm<b>candyolympics</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 2:43am<b>spazzi12</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 3:28pm<b>CrAzYELF4</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 11:25am<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 6:43pm<b>imura</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 3:48pm<b>britt1033</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 4:44pm<b>kmmaaaaa</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 3:37am<b>ayeitsjuan</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 10:38pm<b>BigLatchZatch</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 3:51pm<b>Way2Fast8</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 12:22pm<b>Benjaminkamp</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 4:41am<b>awesomeness716</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 8:48pm<b>Toughsky</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 4:03pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 11:45am<b>SatansAnus</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 3:09pm

Liked!<b>CaptainRR</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 1:08am

Axipiter's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of Axipiter's badges

Axipiter's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

#21207892
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40521) - you deserved it (5803)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

#21192543
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59819) - you deserved it (4621)

On 06/29/2014 at 1:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46047) - you deserved it (8303)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42506) - you deserved it (4395)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

#21077955
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41181) - you deserved it (2937)

On 03/04/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by fuck you, jack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

#21050455
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49257) - you deserved it (4970)

On 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by DeeDee - Austria (Wien)

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

#21001530
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38517) - you deserved it (3903)

On 12/22/2013 at 4:28pm - kids - by bastard (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

#21001182
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48259) - you deserved it (4782)

On 12/22/2013 at 10:36am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

#20957769
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36713) - you deserved it (2681)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by AshlynnPrime - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

#20944947
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43819) - you deserved it (3129)

On 11/04/2013 at 7:08am - work - by twitterfailsme (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

#20898181
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66753) - you deserved it (4060)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54902) - you deserved it (27586)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML

#20871774
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44033) - you deserved it (3418)

On 09/07/2013 at 5:43pm - work - by goshoveafuckingfrappuccinoupyourvagyoupsychocunt (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

#20868509
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39171) - you deserved it (2906)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: