About AusBoy : Fmls brighten up my day
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AusBoy's favorite FMLs
Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML
by protoplasm stole my seat / 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
Today, my school's theatre decided to produce Les Misérables. I got the part of Éponine. My boyfriend, being a talented performer, could have gotten any part he wanted. However, he only wanted to play the soldier responsible for killing Éponine. FML
by Anonymous / 01/23/2013 at 1:03pm / United States / Love
by frustrated / 01/22/2013 at 2:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by AnonCat / 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML
by StillTooYoung / 01/20/2013 at 8:13am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by nomegusta / 01/05/2013 at 10:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML
by Dimples / 01/03/2013 at 6:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Sarah / 01/01/2013 at 10:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML
Today, my mother-in-law purchased matching Christmas presents for myself and my sister-in-law to open together in front of everyone. Guess who are now the proud owners of matching metal tampon cases. FML
by Shelle / 12/26/2012 at 3:53am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
by valnaj1 / 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Intimacy
by heya / 12/24/2012 at 5:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
by djl / 12/20/2012 at 12:30am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML
by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
- Today, I’m on vacation in Japan. Hungry, I went to a restaurant. Looking at photos of the food, I… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…