About ApologyKick : I enjoy life and the outdoors. Nature is the most powerful force I know, and yet with all that power it remains entirely unbiased. If only our politicians worked the same way... We're all fancy arrangements of carbon based molecules, just like what you ate for breakfast. No wonder there are so many FML's! I'm a drug dealer but it doesn't pay as well as you'd think. Favorite bands include Foo Fighters, Nirvana, RHCP, and Pearl Jam. I enjoy meeting new people so feel free to message me on here or on my kik: .Dillon
ApologyKick's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
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ApologyKick's favorite FMLs
by spooked / 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
by burritobreasts / 10/15/2014 at 2:27am / Miscellaneous
Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 1:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 2:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I was waiting at a stop light in the left turn lane, when a homeless guy on the sidewalk walked up to my car with a, "Bet you can't hit me with a quarter" sign. The lady on my right decided to throw a quarter at him, but it missed and hit my windshield. She yelled, "Oh fuck!" and drove away. FML
by StephLo / 08/18/2014 at 5:25pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 9:31am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by fatty magoo / 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation
by teegtwo / 07/22/2014 at 1:55am / United States / Intimacy
by mydatinglifesucks / 06/15/2014 at 2:31am / United States / Love
by It'd be nice to see you too. / 06/08/2014 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML
by -__- / 12/27/2013 at 4:49pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML
by whatjusthappened / 12/20/2013 at 3:45am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/15/2013 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML
by maxkeyftw / 10/17/2013 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Health
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…