About ApologyKick : I enjoy life and the outdoors. Nature doesn't care about you. We're all fancy arrangements of carbon based molecules, just like what you ate for breakfast. No wonder there are so many FML's. I'm a drug dealer but it doesn't pay as well as you'd think. Favorite bands include Foo Fighters, Nirvana, RHCP, and Pearl Jam. I enjoy meeting new people so feel free to message me on here or on my kik: .Dillon
ApologyKick's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
ApologyKick's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/06/2015 at 6:11am / United States / Work
by gmian / 12/06/2015 at 12:06am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML
by anthony / 11/25/2015 at 7:32am / Luxembourg / Miscellaneous
Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML
by anonymous / 11/24/2015 at 2:38pm / Switzerland (Zug) / Intimacy
by Potato_Lord / 11/11/2015 at 11:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation
Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML
by Alaska / 10/28/2015 at 11:35pm / United States / Animals
Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML
by Oli974 / 10/22/2015 at 9:08am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Work
by erphy21 / 09/26/2015 at 4:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/22/2014 at 11:27am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Transportation
by scoold / 12/21/2014 at 5:02pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
by spooked / 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
by burritobreasts / 10/15/2014 at 2:27am / Miscellaneous
Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 1:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 2:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I was waiting at a stop light in the left turn lane, when a homeless guy on the sidewalk walked up to my car with a, "Bet you can't hit me with a quarter" sign. The lady on my right decided to throw a quarter at him, but it missed and hit my windshield. She yelled, "Oh fuck!" and drove away. FML
by StephLo / 08/18/2014 at 5:25pm / United States (California) / Transportation