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Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28481) - you deserved it (20803)
On 10/30/2010 at 8:37pm - intimacy - by tht1chk - United States (California)
Today, I witnessed a series of nude old people cycling in the city. I was eating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28223) - you deserved it (3719)
On 08/15/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by anonymous - Netherlands (Gelderland)
Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King Kong and bow down to him whenever he walks past. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20664) - you deserved it (2417)
On 07/24/2010 at 3:44am - misc - by earths_venus - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26320) - you deserved it (18120)
On 06/04/2010 at 8:52pm - misc - by xricardo - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16382) - you deserved it (4140)
On 03/02/2010 at 12:05am - misc - by sleeper - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML
I agree, your life sucks (8162) - you deserved it (35913)
On 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm - health - by yellowjacket_34 (man) - United States (Montana)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75016) - you deserved it (10602)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I invited everyone to a gig I'm playing at a bar. They closed it down just for me when I told them how many people were attending, and I spent all day setting it up. Turns out nobody showed up besides my mom, my dad, and 2 of my cousins. I still had to play 7 songs in front of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37258) - you deserved it (4864)
On 08/15/2009 at 11:02am - misc - by playinmyguitar (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13907) - you deserved it (28078)
On 08/11/2009 at 1:01am - love - by thanksjerk (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peak at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5942) - you deserved it (60039)
On 08/05/2009 at 9:37am - love - by TextLoser (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32079) - you deserved it (2867)
On 07/30/2009 at 9:56am - kids - by Rae (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24801) - you deserved it (60101)
On 06/23/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by FattyMcFatterson (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21707) - you deserved it (35686)
On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21704) - you deserved it (42865)
On 02/12/2009 at 11:17am - intimacy - by florisvanlent (man) - Netherlands (Drenthe)
Today, I was told that my mom and her new husband have named my new born brother "Titan". FML
I agree, your life sucks (16055) - you deserved it (1139)
On 01/14/2009 at 10:49pm - misc - by isthisajoke - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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