About AnagenisisZagus : Oh, dear god. No, thank you.
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AnagenisisZagus's favorite FMLs
Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML
by Anonymous / 10/01/2010 at 9:47am / United Kingdom / Transportation
by canispankthat / 10/01/2010 at 7:07am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML
by Jake / 09/28/2010 at 1:35pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML
by awesome / 09/21/2010 at 12:49am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in saying "Thats an expensive bed." FML
by EmbarrassedDaughter / 05/23/2010 at 3:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML
by GoDiarrhea / 03/04/2010 at 1:52pm / Argentina (Distrito Federal) / Health
by mike / 02/07/2010 at 2:16am / United States (West Virginia) / Love
by Funnymann / 01/22/2010 at 3:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I found a diamond on the floor, which I could only assume was from one of my brother's cheap earrings. I was positive that it was fake. To prove it to myself, I ran it across my window, as they say only real diamonds cut glass. It's real. FML
by namehere34 / 12/29/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, while showing my art work at a festival, a very old cougar walked up to me and asked if I wanted to hook up later. After refusing more than one time, the woman walked away with my business card. I've been getting emails with naked pictures. FML
by deathbysnoosnoo / 11/24/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had a surprise birthday party thrown in my honor. All of my friends and family had been invited, and all of the details were perfect. Who threw the party for me? My ex-girlfriend who I dumped last week for "not being thoughtful enough." FML
by Anonymous / 11/16/2009 at 9:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/14/2009 at 4:59pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML
by reality_stricken / 11/04/2009 at 9:00am / Guam / Love
Today, I was at ATandT getting my phone fixed. At one point, the salesman said 'you should see this'. It was a text message from some girl apologizing for sleeping with my boyfriend for the past four months, and telling me that they were moving him out of our apartment. FML
by LTJFP / 10/25/2009 at 10:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…