About AnagenisisZagus : Oh, dear god. No, thank you.
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AnagenisisZagus's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at a power lifting meet when a girl I really liked walked in. Trying to impress her, I increased my bench to 350, when I have only done 300 before. She then watched me drop it on my chest, breaking my breast bone, and also crying in the process. FML
by wowimdumb / 01/29/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by knickersdontfit / 01/26/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/26/2011 at 8:26am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML
by Fucked / 01/24/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 11:09am / Guatemala (Guatemala) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 12/05/2010 at 12:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone but me. Then, one of them said: "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML
by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 10:32am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
by dumbteacher / 11/22/2010 at 9:47am / Miscellaneous
Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML
by Anonymous / 11/22/2010 at 1:26am / United States (Kansas) / Transportation
Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML
by Samantha / 10/30/2010 at 1:41am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML
by drunkfacebookuser / 10/23/2010 at 9:15am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2010 at 6:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given… Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of… Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought…