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AmeliaSH's favorite FMLs
Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML
by sad and hungry / 06/06/2015 at 10:37am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by thanksad / 08/22/2013 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by ew / 08/11/2013 at 9:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML
by mcdonalds / 08/06/2013 at 12:11am / United States / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by GiantsFan13 / 07/23/2013 at 10:49am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML
by Treats For Days / 07/19/2013 at 9:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 1:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 12:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML
by anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 2:12am / United States (Minnesota) / Geek
by VictoriaLeavitt / 06/24/2013 at 8:35pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids
Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML
by No money, mo' problems / 06/18/2013 at 6:01pm / United States / Money
by Anonymous / 06/09/2013 at 10:29am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by The Clitshank Redemption / 06/05/2013 at 7:11pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love
- Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our… Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook.… Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends.…