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Abueita's favorite FMLs
by CheeseyPotatoes / 04/11/2011 at 9:16am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
by mugged / 03/20/2011 at 4:29pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I dozed off during a lecture. When I woke up, I didn't recognize any of the people surrounding me, and I saw one guy pointing and laughing at me. It turns out, my professor instructed everyone to let me sleep because he wanted to see how long it would be before I woke up. I was asleep three hours. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2011 at 3:05pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 1:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML
by snoozerlooser / 12/24/2010 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 9:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML
by carson28 / 12/16/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Health
Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2010 at 5:00pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Love
by Cantbreath94 / 11/13/2010 at 1:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
by Tai / 10/31/2010 at 9:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML
by whitefox123 / 09/19/2010 at 8:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
- Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants… Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning… Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked…