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Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10587) - you deserved it (50452)
On 05/07/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)
Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16607) - you deserved it (52096)
On 04/11/2011 at 9:16am - intimacy - by CheeseyPotatoes (woman) - United States (Florida)
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30154) - you deserved it (24881)
On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)
Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29141) - you deserved it (3365)
On 03/20/2011 at 4:29pm - animals - by mugged (man) - United States (New York)
Today, a little boy called me on the phone, crying "grandma died" in a broken voice. I just didn't have the heart to say "wrong number." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38957) - you deserved it (3311)
On 03/09/2011 at 10:47am - kids - by Waffle -
Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59833) - you deserved it (5172)
On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I dozed off during a lecture. When I woke up, I didn't recognize any of the people surrounding me, and I saw one guy pointing and laughing at me. It turns out, my professor instructed everyone to let me sleep because he wanted to see how long it would be before I woke up. I was asleep three hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7402) - you deserved it (20983)
On 01/20/2011 at 3:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I found out that my mother in-law's flight home is canceled, and that she's staying three more days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26266) - you deserved it (2718)
On 12/28/2010 at 1:21am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27545) - you deserved it (5322)
On 12/24/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by snoozerlooser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24550) - you deserved it (5642)
On 12/20/2010 at 9:31pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window down and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36606) - you deserved it (4309)
On 12/16/2010 at 9:23pm - misc - by carson28 - United States (California)
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18810) - you deserved it (2639)
On 11/25/2010 at 8:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)
Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29447) - you deserved it (3823)
On 11/24/2010 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)
Today, while at work, I got a call. They left a voicemail. It was a 7 minute voicemail of the mattress squeaking and my mom screaming my dad's name. I am going to their house for supper tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25503) - you deserved it (1909)
On 11/13/2010 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Cantbreath94 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. Shes on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53687) - you deserved it (7013)
On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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