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Abueita's favorite FMLs
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm / United States / Kids
by blacktyaffair / 11/09/2011 at 9:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm / United States / Kids
by imy / 10/18/2011 at 11:01am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm / Canada / Intimacy
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2011 at 4:03pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML
by Not_you17 / 09/09/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Georgia) / Money
Today, the workplace evacuation bell sounded. Out of panic after the recent earthquake, I ran down 21 flights of stairs, only to find out it was a false alarm. My legs are on fire, and I can barely walk. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 7:06pm / United States / Work
by skichick54 / 08/24/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/18/2011 at 12:26am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by fmlguy382 / 06/22/2011 at 4:13am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was in the elevator with my boss, when I let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of my life as we left the first floor. We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes. FML
by / 06/05/2011 at 4:45pm / United States / Health
by kyle / 06/05/2011 at 3:00am / United States (Ohio) / Health
by Jon / 05/23/2011 at 2:46pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy
Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML
by Anon / 05/07/2011 at 2:08am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Intimacy
- Today, the guy I've been with for 4 years chose hard drugs over me and our daughter. Happy birthday… Today, my boyfriend tried to surprise me my climbing through my window into my room. To return the… Today I discovered my first singular gray hair. I am 26 and I've known others to grey even earlier,…