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Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27766) - you deserved it (407)
On 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by religionbites621 - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24154) - you deserved it (16842)
On 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19785) - you deserved it (2574)
On 11/09/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by blacktyaffair - United States (Texas)
Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23792) - you deserved it (3809)
On 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35498) - you deserved it (7642)
On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31568) - you deserved it (7627)
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29110) - you deserved it (4042)
On 09/15/2011 at 4:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14655) - you deserved it (30693)
On 09/09/2011 at 12:04am - money - by Not_you17 - United States (Georgia)
Today, the workplace evacuation bell sounded. Out of panic after the recent earthquake, I ran down 21 flights of stairs, only to find out it was a false alarm. My legs are on fire, and I can barely walk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12251) - you deserved it (13574)
On 08/26/2011 at 7:06pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30684) - you deserved it (2349)
On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)
Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31328) - you deserved it (2428)
On 07/18/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40472) - you deserved it (6546)
On 06/22/2011 at 4:13am - intimacy - by fmlguy382 - United States
Today, I was in the elevator with my boss, when I let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of my life as we left the first floor. We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13766) - you deserved it (30778)
On 06/05/2011 at 4:45pm - misc - by - United States
Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30792) - you deserved it (2506)
On 06/05/2011 at 3:00am - misc - by kyle - United States (Ohio)
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29576) - you deserved it (6684)
On 05/23/2011 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Jon - United Kingdom (Essex)
Friday 24 May 2013
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