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Abueita's favorite FMLs
by Just_Me_88 / 08/18/2012 at 1:09am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by lonelygirl / 08/17/2012 at 7:33pm / United States (Utah) / Animals
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 5:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by cardsftw / 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
by feelsterrible / 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Blackfell / 08/07/2012 at 1:59pm / United States / Love
Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML
by Anonymous / 08/02/2012 at 10:12am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by anonymous / 07/29/2012 at 9:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML
by Jarman / 07/26/2012 at 1:39am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
by tuggernuts / 07/17/2012 at 11:32am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML
by LNamesOnly / 07/09/2012 at 3:31am / Australia / Kids
Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
by Dreamer / 07/03/2012 at 2:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by blah56 / 06/23/2012 at 1:17am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Steve / 06/13/2012 at 5:30pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
- Today, our air conditioner went out. Trying to stay cool, I used an ice pack from when I sprained… Today I received a phone call for a reservation (I'm a B&B owner) for 12 firefighters (he said they… Today, my sister told me to mind my own business when I freaked out about the used tampon she keeps…