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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28780) - you deserved it (1500)
On 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by prickly (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I removed the safety padding from around the trampoline because it seemed useless. This afternoon, I did a backflip, got my hair stuck in the springs, ripped out a chunk of my hair, and face planted it into the brick pavers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7049) - you deserved it (52665)
On 09/27/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by Not-so-good-gymnast (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63759) - you deserved it (4387)
On 07/22/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by Gordon (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was at the airport to catch a plane. It was very crowded at the gate and there was nowhere to sit except for a flat metal bench, so I sat on that. Turns out I was sitting on a luggage scale, so my weight was displayed for everybody to see. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13422) - you deserved it (30813)
On 07/21/2009 at 2:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6121) - you deserved it (38431)
On 07/12/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by divineinstrument (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)
Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9445) - you deserved it (68280)
On 07/03/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Uriah (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I am kind of scared of heights so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke and fell down and I fell along with it. My boyfriend said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML
I agree, your life sucks (31737) - you deserved it (5779)
On 07/01/2009 at 11:36pm - misc - by sydsophnova (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii. My family decided to surprise my new husband and I by joining us on our vacation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64760) - you deserved it (1769)
On 06/29/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by marriedwithfamily (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29770) - you deserved it (2240)
On 06/16/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by JustAGiftCardPlease (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (11401) - you deserved it (34026)
On 06/14/2009 at 11:54am - intimacy - by Bes (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52489) - you deserved it (3340)
On 06/12/2009 at 4:04pm - love - by adderallgirl (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49154) - you deserved it (7836)
On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I got my drivers license suspended until I am 18 for driving without a license. Where was I driving to? My last day of Drivers Ed. The high school where I take Drivers Ed. classes at is across the street from my house. I gave up 3 years of driving to drive 100 feet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18962) - you deserved it (68483)
On 06/12/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by studentdriver828 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22286) - you deserved it (46277)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are suppose to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here FML." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16351) - you deserved it (54644)
On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)
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