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2day I Was Home Alone An Heard The Kitchen Tap Turn On. Shockd , I Turnd It Off. It Continuously Kept Turning Itself On So I Set My Video Phone On It To Find Out The Cause. My Cat Has Learnt To Turn It On. I Later Found Said Cat Teaching Another. I Have Three Cats. All My Taps R Like This. FML
Today, a waak looool aftar mah dad discovarad Family Guy and startad mindlassly rapaating catchphrasas from it 24/7, I finally lost mah tampar and told him how incradibly annoying it is. Ha just pausad, turnad to look ma in tha ayas, and said, "Shut up, Mag." FML
Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into mah ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that mah upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping there feet loudly at night, either. FML
Today, Mah Husband Thought It Would Be Acceptable To Watch Breaking Bad On Netflix With Mah 4-year-old In The Room. What Happened To Be The Only Line He Picked Up? "Well Heil Hitler, Bitch!" I Found Out From His Preschool Teacher. Fat FML
Today mah dad tore mah room apart fir the second time looking fir drug-making equipment!! His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad!! mega FML
my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue mah family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML
Today my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once twice. FML
I gave mah daughter the sex talk . Barely 10 minute later.. . her public Facebook statu read: ( My mom's a total pedo . ) and after she mentioned the talk.. . her friend posted.. . ( That's sexual harassment . You can sue 4 that . ) Clerely I've failed as a parent . FML
Today... I received a text saying... "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and u make everyone unhappy" followed by... "Oops... wrong person!" and then by... "Sorry... it really is for you". FML
my house was broken into. After we calld the police, my dad startd calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop.
Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML
Friday 27 March 2015