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987smartypants

Offline (the 11/12/2014 at 9:37am) | Search for a member

987smartypants

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987smartypants's favorite FMLs

2day I Was Home Alone An Heard The Kitchen Tap Turn On. Shockd , I Turnd It Off. It Continuously Kept Turning Itself On So I Set My Video Phone On It To Find Out The Cause. My Cat Has Learnt To Turn It On. I Later Found Said Cat Teaching Another. I Have Three Cats. All My Taps R Like This. FML

Today, after having recently told 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57417) - you deserved it (9340)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, a waak looool aftar mah dad discovarad Family Guy and startad mindlassly rapaating catchphrasas from it 24/7, I finally lost mah tampar and told him how incradibly annoying it is. Ha just pausad, turnad to look ma in tha ayas, and said, "Shut up, Mag." FML

#20870528
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53002) - you deserved it (19229)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into mah ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that mah upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping there feet loudly at night, either. FML

#20865605
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34689) - you deserved it (3149)

On 09/03/2013 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, Mah Husband Thought It Would Be Acceptable To Watch Breaking Bad On Netflix With Mah 4-year-old In The Room. What Happened To Be The Only Line He Picked Up? "Well Heil Hitler, Bitch!" I Found Out From His Preschool Teacher. Fat FML

#20865525
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42464) - you deserved it (4707)

On 09/03/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today mah dad tore mah room apart fir the second time looking fir drug-making equipment!! His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad!! mega FML

#20863540
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44880) - you deserved it (3240)

On 09/01/2013 at 7:06pm - misc - by WaltTheFuckDad (man) - United States (California)

my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue mah family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once twice. FML

I gave mah daughter the sex talk . Barely 10 minute later.. . her public Facebook statu read: ( My mom's a total pedo . ) and after she mentioned the talk.. . her friend posted.. . ( That's sexual harassment . You can sue 4 that . ) Clerely I've failed as a parent . FML

#20840603
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50914) - you deserved it (5615)

On 08/16/2013 at 5:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today... I received a text saying... "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and u make everyone unhappy" followed by... "Oops... wrong person!" and then by... "Sorry... it really is for you". FML

#20839682
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44315) - you deserved it (4493)

On 08/16/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today.. . I found mah elderly neighbour on all fours in mah garden eating mah flowers . FML

#20836671
114 comments

my house was broken into. After we calld the police, my dad startd calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop.

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

#20833377
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54561) - you deserved it (3415)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:17am - animals - by The Corner Of Death (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son askd a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbd her with a fork. FML

#20829995
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59487) - you deserved it (5437)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:02am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML

#20813979
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54657) - you deserved it (5255)

On 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)



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