802_CRU

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802_CRU

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5477
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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802_CRU's page activity

Visits<b>Blesst</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 8:34pm

802_CRU's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

802_CRU's favorite FMLs

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

by Girl123999 / 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

by Señor Guapo / 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

by hoovered / 03/04/2009 at 11:24am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

by dad / 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

by booyouwhoree / 03/03/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

by bluedevil26 / 03/03/2009 at 11:51am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

by Scottrick / 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

by tryena / 02/28/2009 at 5:59am / United States (Idaho) / Kids

Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML

by Judiee / 02/28/2009 at 5:52am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

by Mick / 02/20/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

by buddy / 01/26/2009 at 9:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

by mimo / 11/13/2008 at 11:16pm / Kids

Today, my 6-year-old son said to me, "You smell nice daddy." Surprised but flattered, I thanked him. He then added, "I like the smell of cheese!'" FML

by lamponau / 11/09/2008 at 6:26am / Kids

Today, my little brother, who is 11, explained to me how babies are made. I’m 15. FML

by HappyGirl / 10/28/2008 at 11:57am / France (Centre) / Intimacy

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

by Benji / 10/13/2008 at 4:32am / Miscellaneous