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802_CRU

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802_CRU

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  • Number of visits : 4352
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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802_CRU's favorite FMLs

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

#209116
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (233128) - you deserved it (31023)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

#206263
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26640) - you deserved it (41579)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

#205894
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53497) - you deserved it (20738)

On 03/04/2009 at 11:24am - intimacy - by hoovered (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

#197620
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29876) - you deserved it (77022)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

#196534
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45546) - you deserved it (16578)

On 03/03/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by booyouwhoree (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

#194901
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43717) - you deserved it (11328)

On 03/03/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by bluedevil26 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54758) - you deserved it (14296)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

#159589
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17296) - you deserved it (83515)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML

#159579
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51079) - you deserved it (5167)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:52am - misc - by Judiee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

#86179
745 comments

I agree, your life sucks (776610) - you deserved it (82774)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

#2635
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41199) - you deserved it (9822)

On 01/26/2009 at 9:58am - misc - by buddy - United States (Michigan)

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

#301
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51500) - you deserved it (4420)

On 11/13/2008 at 11:16pm - kids - by mimo - Sent from mobile version

Today, my 6-year-old son said to me, "You smell nice daddy." Surprised but flattered, I thanked him. He then added, "I like the smell of cheese!'" FML

#260
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30370) - you deserved it (5466)

On 11/09/2008 at 6:26am - kids - by lamponau - Sent from mobile version

Today, my little brother, who is 11, explained to me how babies are made. I’m 15. FML

#123
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46512) - you deserved it (16232)

On 10/28/2008 at 11:57am - intimacy - by HappyGirl - France (Centre)

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

#24
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38306) - you deserved it (20960)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:32am - misc - by Benji -



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