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802_CRU

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802_CRU

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  • Number of visits : 4061
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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802_CRU's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

#1259503
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64941) - you deserved it (7524)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by snotface (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

#1242967
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10798) - you deserved it (67049)

On 04/22/2009 at 10:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

#1152672
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99218) - you deserved it (5808)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:12pm - intimacy - by TMI (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

#1046980
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88503) - you deserved it (7171)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML

#1026583
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82977) - you deserved it (7989)

On 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by Puppysit88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

#915764
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (158299) - you deserved it (7547)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while teaching swimming to a bunch of five year olds, one particularly bratty girl decided she didn't want to swim and lead the entire class to strike, leaving the pool empty and me without a job. Apparently I was teaching the next world tyrant to swim. FML

#883933
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46713) - you deserved it (4067)

On 04/09/2009 at 10:38am - misc - by luh8r (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36754) - you deserved it (125678)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML

#877965
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59006) - you deserved it (8872)

On 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by eun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

#867771
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65935) - you deserved it (4599)

On 04/08/2009 at 6:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

#818828
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62499) - you deserved it (17044)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

#757455
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8555) - you deserved it (101397)

On 04/01/2009 at 10:36pm - misc - by lisa321 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

#726983
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85898) - you deserved it (7138)

On 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by poo_shoe123 (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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