About 666midnight : suicidal_sniper@hotmail.co.uk
Add me if you wish to =)
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up random names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59555) - you deserved it (12168)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43733) - you deserved it (6254)
On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17853) - you deserved it (41590)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39029) - you deserved it (20650)
On 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by re2K5 (man) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)
Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34731) - you deserved it (3255)
On 07/24/2009 at 6:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34731) - you deserved it (3255)
On 07/24/2009 at 6:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was going to check out my secret condom stash. When I looked inside, I found a note. The note read: "Thanks hun, I really needed this. Love, Mom". FML
I agree, your life sucks (42371) - you deserved it (5560)
On 07/17/2009 at 11:54am - misc - by lawliet_L (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14494) - you deserved it (44034)
Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13725) - you deserved it (43031)
On 07/07/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by stupid (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21940) - you deserved it (34270)
On 06/30/2009 at 12:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my daughter asked me what the youngest age you should start having sex is, being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62636) - you deserved it (9113)
On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38826) - you deserved it (8919)
On 06/29/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by merkris (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (60130) - you deserved it (6121)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24298) - you deserved it (67646)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52163) - you deserved it (4038)
On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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