suicidal_sniper@hotmail.co.uk
Add me if you wish to =)
Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38820) - you totally deserved it (1464)
On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41315) - you totally deserved it (5350)
On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28941) - you totally deserved it (12135)
On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24858) - you totally deserved it (11689)
On 08/20/2009 at 11:55am - intimacy - by littleguy (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38279) - you totally deserved it (4547)
On 08/19/2009 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by kneesarethenewdesk (man) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41100) - you totally deserved it (6019)
On 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34007) - you totally deserved it (2875)
On 08/12/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by CosmicJoke (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7050) - you totally deserved it (40992)
On 08/09/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by pwndbykidz (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5804) - you totally deserved it (35645)
On 08/08/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, while in the shower, my roomates thought it would be really funny if they threw my cat in with me. The doctor who gave me the stitches also thought so. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32590) - you totally deserved it (1201)
On 08/08/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by N1ch0la1 (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)
Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45892) - you totally deserved it (7271)
On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)
Today, I decided to visit my girlfriend who lives 20 hours away. Four Red Bulls: $11.50. Gas: $200. Driving halfway across the country to find your girlfriend in bed with another guy? FML
I agree, your life sucks (51054) - you totally deserved it (2703)
On 08/03/2009 at 1:15am - love - by Tuck_My_Life (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35571) - you totally deserved it (5747)
On 08/02/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by dam01 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11916) - you totally deserved it (29160)
On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of random names she thought of, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36708) - you totally deserved it (6629)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
