This member hasn't filled in the description.
Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35922) - you totally deserved it (4045)
On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I went out drinking with a female friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, She said 'Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?'. Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy at the bar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30915) - you totally deserved it (2703)
On 08/07/2009 at 5:43am - love - by ineedanotherdrink (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went to visit teachers at the high school I graduated from 3 months ago as valedictorian. Turns out, I had an expired parking permit, and I didn't properly get a visitor pass. The school went into a "yellow lockdown" because of me. My car was towed. I got arrested for trespassing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28145) - you totally deserved it (4766)
On 08/06/2009 at 8:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10064) - you totally deserved it (23254)
On 08/05/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by drooler (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32865) - you totally deserved it (3624)
On 08/02/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by cricketeer (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43064) - you totally deserved it (2876)
On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39030) - you totally deserved it (3632)
On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35570) - you totally deserved it (5747)
On 08/02/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by dam01 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I invited all his friend and made all his favorite food. He was running very late, so I called to ask what was taking so long. His response? He said he was at his house, with the very friends I was standing next to. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42454) - you totally deserved it (1885)
On 08/01/2009 at 9:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls", his response, "We don't". FML
I agree, your life sucks (9568) - you totally deserved it (47271)
On 07/31/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10842) - you totally deserved it (30119)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39408) - you totally deserved it (9121)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (38581) - you totally deserved it (17254)
On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, my boyfriend and were I getting it on in his bedroom where he had all of his anime models on display. I accidentally knocked over one of his models and it fell on to the floor. He got angry and kicked me out. Apparently, making his models look good was more important than us making love. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26830) - you totally deserved it (7166)
On 07/20/2009 at 2:18am - love - by mchhhoi (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23267) - you totally deserved it (1906)
On 07/18/2009 at 4:15am - love - by Phoebe (woman) - Singapore
