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The all-time greatest FMLs

The place to be

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, the choir director I’m playing drums for sent an email saying we’d changed venues, but didn’t say where it was, making me hunt for this venue, and making me nearly late to rehearsal. The bass player was here on time. How did she find the venue? The director's Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 157

Not great

By poopsquirt404 - 06/01/2026 00:00

Today, my friend and I flew home from India ten days early. I got cholera and she got groped twice and followed back to our accommodations by a gang of men. So much for our exotic overseas trip… FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 232

Get me out of here!

By Anonymous - 31/01/2025 03:00 - Saudi Arabia - Khobar

Today, my family is very toxic and they become more toxic every day. The real FML is that I can't do anything about it or leave, so I have to wait until I have enough money to leave. So, until that faraway dream becomes true, FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 116

NEXT!

By Kristie - 03/07/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 185

I don't want to 'catch up'

By Anonymous - 27/02/2026 20:00

Today, my stalker from 16 years ago has apparently come back. Hello, police protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 41

Evening out

By Pissed and broke - 30/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I finally got a raise after years of hard work! Excited, I went on a shopping spree, but as I checked the latest prices, it turns out that my extra income barely covers the increase in my grocery bill. Thanks, inflation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 125

Leaky

By Anonymous - 30/04/2026 20:00 - Canada - Cranbrook

Today I woke up to myself (24F) accidentally losing control of my bowels in bed. I’m not sick, just a food intolerance. The worst part is that my fiancé was sound asleep next to me and I had to wake him up to tell him what happened so I could wash the sheets and bed at one in the morning. He's is now sleeping on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 92

The big waiting room

By Big sad - 27/07/2025 22:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my depression has reached the point where I'm not sure if I'm even living anymore. Sure, I'm very much alive and able to type this, but I feel as though I'm just existing. Taking up space. Doing nothing. I can't be alone here, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 125

Don't call us, we'll call you

By Despair - 27/04/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I was at a job interview and, just as I was about to answer a question, I suddenly got the worst case of hiccups. I tried to hold them in but ended up hiccuping in rhythm, making me sound like a malfunctioning robot. I spent the rest of the interview with a red face and no idea how to get my dignity back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 74

Doggy dog world

By that desert girl - 14/01/2023 16:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've been crying on a regular basis because I know one day my dog will die. He’s a completely healthy and happy dog, I just can’t accept how short his life will be and the fact that he’ll probably die before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 819

If you know, you know

By It means child p*rn - 02/01/2025 00:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I was at a party, and heard a mutual acquaintance had been arrested. I asked what for, and was told "Cheese pizza." I yelled in confusion and outrage, since I thought they were joking. I was told later in private what "Cheese pizza" meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 175

Invaders

By Anonymous - 10/04/2024 14:00 - Germany

Today, the snails have been so prolific that not only have I lost any hope of growing vegetables this year, but they have actually eaten all the flowers off my crocuses, and the broom on the terrace looks like it’s wearing hair gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 93

Roomies

By Werebothwomen - 20/08/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my roommate of over 8 years assumed “the rag” I keep “above the toilet” was meant for wiping, and “the rag” on the separate towel rack was for washing your face. I have used the hand towel “above the toilet” to dry my hands after washing for a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 181

Thanks, I guess

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 20:00 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my best friend got married. I had introduced her to her now husband, and ever since she has basically acted like I don't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 92

Slicey slicey

By tas2013kid - 01/12/2020 17:03 - Taiwan

Today, I found out I had three strands of pubic hair beside my nipple, so I decided to cut it off with a scissor since I'm going swimming tomorrow. In an attempt to cut off my third strand, I instead excised the cap of my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 1 225

Surprise, wanker!

By pussnboots - 16/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 258

Cheerleader vs Cameraman

By FML Approved - 27/09/2017 03:00

Cheerleading? No... This is Sparta!

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 98

Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine

By Anonymous - 03/04/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, as always, when my dad says he needs my help and that it will only take 15 minutes, it will actually take all day because he doesn't plan ahead. This has happened three times now, so this time I demanded he compensate me for my time if I have to drive out there. He called me an "entitled little shit" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 225

Screen time

By Anonymous - 24/01/2024 06:00 - Germany - Welle

Today, our school won third prize for a project about inclusion. At the fancy reception, none of our students got included in anything, though. They didn’t manage to talk to people from any other school, because everyone else was busy staring at their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 126

By SirDirtyRedD - 25/01/2014 01:03 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I found my little brother breathing heavily and asked him what he was doing. He looked at me intensely and said "Breathing in all the oxygen so you can't have any and die." 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 41

SirDirtyRedD tells us more.

SirDirtyRedD 15

Saturday 25 January 2014 20:11

i would just like to make a point that he is only six he has plenty of time to make better plans lol

I'm so tired

By Anonymous - 24/09/2025 12:00

Today, after a very long day, I needed a hotel room but the only one available was a honeymoon suite. I was so tired, I just said yes. My wife just called demanding to know why I was charging a romantic room to our joint credit card, and if I’ve got a woman with me. I just want to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 92

By Smile - 03/03/2008 05:04

Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 358

Living the meme

By OliviaOlive - 24/02/2025 15:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I was giving a speech at a conference when halfway through I got a sudden case of hiccups. For the next 5 minutes I tried to finish my presentation while hiccuping uncontrollably. The audience found it hilarious and started cheering each time I hiccuped. I’m convinced no one could tell me what the speech was actually about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 91

Suspicious

By Housing Crisis sucks - 26/02/2024 06:00 - Australia

Today, my long-distance girlfriend's family accused me of being a scammer, all because I started a GoFundme to help me move my stuff into storage, as I am getting kicked out of my current place with nowhere to go in the middle of a housing crisis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 216

AirPlop

By Fred666 - 02/12/2023 16:00 - Canada

Today, I sneezed while wearing wireless earbuds. The force of the sneeze catapulted one earbud across the room, where it landed perfectly in a cup of coffee. My coffee now plays podcasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 138

The step before rat-licker

By Annabelle - 17/03/2021 17:01

Today, I got caught sniffing a rat, and now my boss is forcing me to be tested for the black death and is "terrified" that I made everyone sick, and says I may be fired from my job as a pediatric anesthesiologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 1 255

Awesome

By Jadwiga - 27/08/2025 20:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, when my boyfriend came home, I was crying and told him I was pregnant. His immediate response was, "Awesome! Pregnant girls are always horny and we won't need protection for the next few months!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 193

Vacation blues

By Anonymous - 24/03/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I set aside an entire week off to watch my parents' house while they went on vacation. I'd only just got here and they'd barely left when the hospital called. My drunk uncle died from a concussion, so my parents cancelled everything. I feel bad for my aunt, but my boss knows where I live, and my dad's an ass. I'm trapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 107

The Prime Minister is concerned

By Anonymous - 21/05/2024 14:00 - Australia - Balaclava

Today, I got a call from a 24/7 psychiatric triage centre. Apparently, writing to the PM about assisted suicide puts you on their 'at risk' list. Is it not reasonable to ask if Australia is going to follow Canada's lead in complex mental health as a qualification for assisted suicide? I'm getting another call tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 196

Thanks for your input

By Anonymous - 28/02/2026 15:00

Today, my granddaddy called me with the sole purpose of letting me know that I’ve gotten so fat, he doesn’t even recognize me anymore. I’ve been silently suffering with a health condition that causes major weight gain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 81

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The Top

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 312

You deserved it 2 777

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 022

You deserved it 6 145

Today, I was swimming with my friends at the local pool. My friend pushed me under, and as I came up for air, my hand stroked a hairy leg. It turns out I had caressed the leg of an old man who had been swimming laps. He spent the next half hour creepily smiling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 652

You deserved it 2 252

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 847

You deserved it 4 684

Today, I found out that my boyfriend lied about not only talking to one other girl, but 5 other girls, and it wasn't just talking, it was wanting to meet up, nudes, sex, getting high together etc.. This has been going on for months, and even when I confronted him about it with evidence, he still denied it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 206

Today, I took my kids to the park. I saw my daughter playing with a kid who looked familiar. Turns out he was my ex’s son, whom I haven’t seen in years. I thought it was cute they played so well together, until my ex’s new girlfriend came over, screaming that I was trying to use my kid to get to her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 188