The Top

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Mindreader

By Jimmyperalta - 28/04/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend began bitching about how I never take her on dates anymore. I suggested one for tomorrow and now she says she doesn’t wanna go, because, “I should ask her on a date without her having to ask.” What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 305

Tis the season…

By Sneezy weezy - 05/04/2026 15:00 - United States - Fontana

Today, my seasonal allergies are so bad that I can’t function. I have two choices; I can either take Benadryl and be knocked unconscious, or I can take Claritin D but it makes me so jumpy and jittery, I feel like I’m losing my mind. Even the prescription stuff doesn’t work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 80

Just be yourself

By iQuit - 28/08/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I decided to quit dating. I'm a plus-sized girl and I can’t get a guy to save my life. On dating apps they run for the hills when they see my full body. I even tried dating plus-size guys and even they have standards. I fucking hate society’s “ideal” beauty norms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 563

The first step is the hardest

By Jeff just jeff - 12/01/2026 12:00

Today, I went to the gym after months of procrastinating. I walked straight into the glass wall next to the entrance instead of the door. A guy lifting near the front desk winced in sympathy. I still worked out, but I could see my face slowly swelling in the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 139

Extra layers

By wizard - 22/02/2026 22:00

Today, I've now lost two hundred pounds and learned that I actually do have a pretty decently-sized dick, it's just been buried under fat for most of my life. Too bad I'm 42 and nobody wants a damn thing to do with a 42 year-old virgin, unless you want to quote a stale Steve Carell movie and laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 113

Unprepared

By Anonymous - 12/10/2025 09:00

Today, during a job interview, I was asked to describe myself in three words. My mind went blank, so I panicked and blurted out, “Hungry, sleepy and… flexible?” The interviewer raised an eyebrow and said, “That's not the worst answer I've ever gotten but… come on.” I didn’t get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 183

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 17/07/2026 00:00 - United States - Leominster

Today, it sucks so bad because I have fibromyalgia, which is a chronic pain there is no cure for. Right now I hurt so bad that I want to go to the hospital to stop the pain, but they won’t do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 57

Bad guys

By Anonymous - 08/09/2025 03:00 - France

Today, it was my first Grindr hookup (I know, I know…) and I ended up getting catfished by some random dude. I decided to just have a walk and get over it, but then I got followed by another random dude for 30 minutes. I can now confidently say I hate men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 154

In my way

By Anonymous - 19/09/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 118

Hangry

By Anonymous - 18/03/2026 12:00

Today, I realized that my diet has gone completely bust. If I try to limit the amount of food that I eat, my stomach is growling and keeping me up at night, when my sugar isn't crashing and turning me into a food vacuum cleaner eating everything in sight. I'm not starving myself, I'm trying to control my portions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 93

Not now, Mom!

By Anonymous - 10/12/2025 22:00

Today, I tried to show my boss a funny photo on my phone. As I handed it over, a notification popped up from my mom that said, “Did you finally meet a nice boy or are you still feral?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 102

I'm a wreck

By Anonymous - 03/11/2025 22:00

Today, I didn't know how to stop while rollerblading and unfortunately, had an accident that broke my wrist. Then, because I have soft bones, I developed moderate scoliosis. It's been about 10 years of scoliosis. I can no longer rollerblade, downhill ski, cross country ski, or snowboard, even if I wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 101

In and out

By Anonymous - 10/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, after finding $50 on the sidewalk this morning and feeling like the luckiest person alive, I got a parking ticket for $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 137

Just to be on the safe side

By Lenore - 02/02/2026 20:00

Today, we live in a tiny trailer. My doctor said I have celiac disease. My dad, who takes things too literally, came back with gluten-free dog food. I don’t even have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 72

Technologically challenged

By Anonymous - 14/01/2026 12:00

Today I booked an Airbnb for a few days and the instructions for the television were a laminated sheet saying, “It’s a tv, not a supercomputer, figure it out snowflake!” I can’t work out how to move it from Sky to Netflix; I’ve tried every possible button, menu, and setting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 136

Just perfect

By Anonymous - 17/12/2025 15:00

Today, I finally told my boss that I need a week off to recharge; I presented dates, reasons, and felt brave. He nodded approvingly, then checked my calendar and asked, “Perfect, can you train the new hires that week?” I stared at my triumphant note then mourned my stolen week. Ugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 112

Panic

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 09:00

Today, I was supposed to be on my way to Hawaii for a long-planned family vacation, but I had an anxiety attack that I couldn't explain. Now I'm lying in bed and crying, and my phone is blowing up with texts and calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 204

Jammed

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 15:00

Today, I pulled out of my parking lot to head to physical therapy and the alleyway was blocked by some traffic. I nudged over to allow a garbage truck to pull in and my passenger window shattered against a dumpster handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 92

My finest hour

By Christine - 01/01/2026 12:00

Today, I slipped while getting off a bus and caught myself dramatically on the handrail. As I spun around like a stripper, the bus driver stared as if I’d performed a stunt. I nodded like it was planned and walked away, limping slightly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 77

Unsteady

By Anonymous - 09/05/2026 22:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I took my first yoga class ever. Everything was going fine until it was time to stand up from the floor. My knees made a sound like snapping wood, my balance disappeared, and I nearly took out the lady next to me while trying to recover. She helped me up like I was part of her family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 71

Ozempic pushers

By Anonymous - 16/09/2025 09:00

Today, my parents came for a visit and spent the whole time pressuring me to ask my doctor for medication to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 82

Kinda sus

By TheCarl - 02/12/2025 15:00

Today, Amazon delivered an item I need urgently for air travel later in the day. To the wrong address. From the photo, I could see which house they had delivered it to. They weren't home, but a camera was pointing at the item. My behaviour was indistinguishable from that of a porch pirate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 73

Wakey wakey

By Anonymous - 24/10/2025 20:00

Today, I was woken up by a bird screaming its guts out. My cat had somehow managed to catch a bird and bring it inside. My 9 a.m. morning began with trying to catch a bird in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 108

Line must go up

By Anonymous - 02/04/2026 15:00

Today, I'm due to be packing my hospital bag to give birth tomorrow before Easter weekend. Instead I'm answering client emails, and ignoring sarcastic colleague emails asking "Have you gone into labor yet?" as I haven't been fully responsive on text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 91

The pros and cons

By Why am I feeling miserable? - 28/08/2025 15:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I finally got a job after nearly two years of unemployment. My boss is amazing, my coworkers are fun and helpful, and the pay is great. There's just one issue: it seems as though nothing can change the fact that I simply do not enjoy the job itself, even though I really thought I would. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 241

It's just harsh noise

By Anonymous - 29/06/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I got to endure another "fun" team-building personality test. Like usual, it said I was defensive and using a belief that I can't follow conversations. I literally can't due to auditory processing issues. My coworkers keep assuring me it's safe to open up. Fuck psychology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 93

Bent out of shape

By Anonymous - 01/10/2025 15:00

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I thought I was joining a “Beginner Yoga” class, but it turned out to be advanced hot yoga. I lasted six minutes before falling out of a pose, knocking over two water bottles, and crawling out of the room like a wounded crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 124

Close call

By Anonymous - 08/01/2026 00:00

Today, I slipped on a wet floor in the grocery store. Instead of falling gracefully or quickly, I windmilled my arms for a few seconds while making direct eye contact with a toddler who looked genuinely impressed. I didn’t fall, but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 92

I'm so tired

By So tired - 19/06/2026 22:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I worked a night shift at the hospital so long that I started putting things in the wrong pockets. I realized at 4 a.m. that I had taken a patient’s pen, my own phone charger, and two packaged crackers home in my scrub top. I also left my badge in the fridge next to the milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 98

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 09:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, I walked to the grocery store despite being out of shape since it was typically only a 30 minute walk and gas prices are bad. The hourly temperature on my weather app was wrong as usual so by the time I got to the store, I was sweating buckets. By the time I got back home, I was so overheated I nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 146

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The Top

Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 188

You deserved it 6 001

Today, a homeless man asked me for money in a train station bathroom. When I told him I had no money he left. He then returned only to pour a bottle full of urine on my head while I was in the stall. I use a metro card. I honestly had no money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 830

You deserved it 2 182

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 435

You deserved it 3 480

Today, my mom learned via Facebook that my ex is now divorced. She took this as a "sign from God" that he’s my soulmate, and took it upon herself to try to set us up. Not only have I not talked to this fool since we broke up in high school, I’m not sure who’s more pissed off, me or my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 594

You deserved it 151

Today, using the money my mom gave me for my birthday, I bought a new laptop for school. When I went online to register for classes, I found that all the online classes were full and remaining classes didn't qualify for my major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 247

Today, I wanted to surprise my girlfriend by cleaning the entire house while she was at work. I even lit incense to make it extra special. When she came home, she walked in, sniffed, and immediately accused me of "cheating or something" because "only guilt makes you clean this much." She also blamed me for adding more dust by burning incense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 97