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Hey everyone, OP here! :) I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments, they were super helpful and many were also quite funny. My "friend" is now my ex-friend and it's the best decision I could've made because she clearly was never a friend to begin with. Thanks again, everyone! Cheers!

Super-cali-fragil-istic-expi-ali-docious

By Anonymous - 27/11/2022 02:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got fired from my job as a babysitter because the movie I showed the kids was "too violent and gave them nightmares." What movie was it? Mary Poppins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 100

The precious truck

By Anonymous - 05/09/2021 11:00

Today, I got fired because, while responding to an emergency page for the volunteer fire department to help find a man in a field with a gunshot wound, I backed into a rock with the company truck that I drive to and from work. Nobody asked about the guy with the bullet inside him. He's OK now, in case anyone cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 174

Angry Bird

By TetrisMaster - 24/11/2013 12:30 - Australia

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 654

You deserved it 6 484

It's a marathon, not a sprint

By Anonymous - 27/05/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that the last girl from my graduating high school class is engaged to her boyfriend. I'm now the only guy from high school who's still single and I'm not even 30 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 309

Shidding and farding

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 08:01

Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 300

NParents represent!

By Familyvisits - 31/08/2021 14:01 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my parents have been whining about me spending a weekend there, so I did. I have severe IBS and sent them the list of foods I can eat 2 weeks ago when I told them I was coming. They had no food in the house that I could eat without getting sick, and got offended when I didn’t eat or tried to buy my own food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 00:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 549

You deserved it 2 030

By kittyboo_is_me - 19/11/2013 06:59 - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, my cat has figured out that while I'm good at sleeping through her nagging in the early morning hours, I will unfailingly wake up for my baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 394

You deserved it 4 228

kittyboo_is_me tells us more.

kittyboo_is_me 10

Wednesday 20 November 2013 2:03

No need to get rid of the cat, she's good to both my baby and my older son and I have absolutely no fears regarding her and the kids. I still have no clue how she does what she does, I assume she either meows in their room long enough to wake up the baby or she paws him through the rails of the crib until he wakes up. She has food available at all times, so that's not an issue (and she's really thin btw). Pretty sure she just wants to go outside to do whatever it is cats do at night (roam, hunt, interact). I might have to try the dark room suggestion though, thanks for reminding me - it was the only thing that got her to stop peeing all over the house. That or throwing her out of the house at night altogether, nevermind the cold. Sleep is precious, especially with a baby in the house.

By moobysrocks - 20/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 102

You deserved it 9 646

We meet again

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great… we graduated high school together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 771

You deserved it 3 770

By WhatsThatSmell - 25/02/2011 13:25 - Australia

Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 862

You deserved it 4 526

One big happy family

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said, "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 822

You deserved it 4 584

By saywhat - 26/01/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I met the girl who dumped me because the distance between us was too great. We're in the same city again. She's now dating a Marine in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 152

You deserved it 2 829

By emirie - 14/11/2013 21:33 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 774

You deserved it 4 136

emirie tells us more.

emirie 21

Friday 15 November 2013 3:38

So just to clear things up, my sister isn't super crazy, although I was naturally alarmed. She's a little weird and creepy, and has no filter. Also, this happened a while ago (I had to say today, obviously), it just popped in my head the other day when the same sister told me she's pregnant. She has babysat, and has a step son as well.