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By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 08:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and her mom dropped me off at home. I told my girlfriend that I loved her. She said nothing, then her mom blurted out, "I love you too!" and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 341

You deserved it 5 594

Nice try

By Ma.Sa.La. - 27/02/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings - No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right… NO INTEREST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 705

You deserved it 50 593

What the hell am I doing here?

By weirdome23 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my "friend" told me I was weird and irritating. Yet she has an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, hates people in general, and has a Facebook for her cat. Yeah, I'm the weird one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 806

You deserved it 8 736

By ouch - 25/02/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 887

You deserved it 39 688

Temptation

By Anonymous - 20/09/2022 15:00

Today, a woman I work with asked me out. She is smart, funny, beyond gorgeous, and I’d be a fool to say no. Unfortunately, she has done jail time for smashing her last boyfriend's penis with a bat and he lost a testicle. What do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 329

By LucidNightmare - 27/01/2013 05:38 - United States - Englewood

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 774

You deserved it 18 703

Quick reflexes

By fml9124 - 20/03/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 868

That's one way of coming out

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 02:51 - United States - Landenberg

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 236

You deserved it 22 961

Downhill

By loveinanelevator - 13/02/2012 12:03

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 723

You deserved it 2 696

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 16:15 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 990

You deserved it 4 987

Stay safe, stay home

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 05:30

Today, my professor gave me a huge lecture in front of the class about showing up sick, about how I was endangering the lives of other students, and kicked me out of class. As I left, everyone applauded. I'm not sick, but suffering for horrible allergies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 016

You deserved it 226

Whatever works

By dumblonde78 - 17/07/2021 14:01

Today, I noticed that to get my boyfriend to do what I want, I must bribe him with food instead of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 313

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 16:12 - United States

Today, I noticed that I have gained enough weight to give me back boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 830

You deserved it 34 718

Slight overreaction?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 07:37

Today, my husband and I recently decided not to have kids, because neither of us like children. Learning this, my dad wrote me out of his will and my mother swore on the Bible in church that she’s never going to speak to me again until I obey God's word and start multiplying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 471

You deserved it 296

Troll level 3000

By really?! - 22/03/2020 06:30

Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 939

You deserved it 149

The Times They Are a-Changin'

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 16:01

Today, thanks to my ex-husband's misogyny, my son is now convinced girls are inherently weaker and that if he had to, he could beat any woman in a fight, even if she was a trained martial artist or a soldier, because, "Men are the stronger gender." I can kick both their asses, husband and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 290

By helpme - 15/01/2013 07:23 - United States - Irvine

Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them for their courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 450

You deserved it 4 062

Is he the guy from the earlier FML??

By sourgirl101 - 25/03/2020 02:00

Today, my husband's number was mistakenly added to a group chat of my co-workers dealing with COVID-19. Despite my asking him to stop, he keeps sending corny memes that has offended most of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 340

Night fight

By FistFighter - 09/04/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 952

You deserved it 12 989

Burning down the house

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 02:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I got some ingredients ready for a stew in the slow cooker, planning to turn it on when I left for work. Well, my dumb, un-caffeinated ass turned it on, but put it on high instead of low. For 13 hours. It was completely charcoal by the time I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 329

By LizP40 - 27/08/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 058

You deserved it 9 424

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 05:17 - United States - Pass Christian

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 564

You deserved it 6 699

Unloading

By thanksmom - 09/01/2013 19:57 - United States - Tucson

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 683

You deserved it 7 799

Bad timing

By dammit_ - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they were hugging. I asked, "What's up lovebirds?" Turns out they were in the middle of a breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 806

You deserved it 10 415

By troll of a gran - 08/01/2013 17:10 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 858

You deserved it 4 872

In the heat of the moment

By B - 31/01/2012 20:36 - Netherlands

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted, "Nice to meet your dad, I hope we didn't look too horny." A few minutes later, he replied, "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 389

You deserved it 9 973

By anon - 27/12/2013 07:28 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 210

You deserved it 3 862

By paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 762

You deserved it 5 793

By bureaucratic assfuckery - 04/01/2013 20:51 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I learned that my doctor lost all of my immunization records. I can't start law school without them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 829

You deserved it 1 892

By Anonymous - 30/03/2011 18:26 - Canada

Today, I woke up to what I thought was my 9 month old son breastfeeding. It was my boyfriend. According to him, he wanted to experience what his mother never gave him as a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 620

You deserved it 8 319

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The Top

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 530

You deserved it 3 521

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war." We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 116

You deserved it 3 821

Today, my mother told me that for a period when I was a baby, every night she stood over my crib with a bottle of bourbon and a gun, convincing herself not to shoot me for ruining her life by being born when she was only 18. I wish I could be more like my siblings, who don't visit her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 137

You deserved it 164

Today, I was screamed at by a girl, all because I wore a pride-themed Mickey Mouse shirt. Apparently, I’m supporting “hypocritical capitalist freaks” who profit off LGBT people, yet support anti-LGBT legislation. Also, she commented about my Starbucks drink, another “anti-LGBT company.” I can’t win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 386

Today, we all got together and showed Dad, with evidence from our ring doorbell and our phone recordings, that I’m the only one he shouts at, yet with everyone else he controls his temper perfectly. The end result? He sent everyone out so he could yell at me about violating his privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 143

Today, after ten months of carpooling or borrowing my mom's car to get to work, and saving money, I finally have a brand new car. However, I have nowhere to go, besides work, and everyone I know is busy or lives out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 139