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What's in a name?

By charlatan - 19/08/2018 01:30

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She asked me what year I was born in, then brutally rejected me. Apparently it's because my name wasn't in the top 20 baby names for my birth year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 000

You deserved it 234

All in a day's work!

By Joshtodon - 21/08/2018 22:00

Today, I was unloading tile boxes out of my pickup truck into this lady's garage. As I grabbed the last 50-pound box, a passing bird shat on my forehead. Green ooze ran down my whole face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 172

Bad date

By echolaker2019 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Scarsdale

Today, I had a second date with a really hot guy I met at the mall. Lucky for me, I went into anaphylactic shock from shrimp and the guy called my parents. When I left the hospital, I was notified that after he called my parents, he ordered more food and charged it to my credit card on file. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 361

You deserved it 1 765

By awkward - 06/11/2013 21:16 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 587

You deserved it 4 323

By Betrayed - 31/07/2009 09:35 - United States

Today, my family took me to a wig store saying I wouldn't feel so insecure about being bald because of my chemo treatments. When I told them I accepted myself and didn't want a wig, they came out and told me THEY couldn't accept it. My own family is embarrassed of me over something I can't control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 266

You deserved it 4 021

By O - 04/04/2016 03:38 - Sweden

Today, I noticed that both my managers completely ignored me when I told them that I'm fully booked, and can't take any more clients. Both of them scheduled additional clients. At the same. Three people from different companies will show up at my office at the same time. Yep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 317

You deserved it 1 446

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 09:23 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 527

You deserved it 1 650

By Jane M - 25/10/2013 23:20 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 869

You deserved it 3 757

Subtle

By uh huh sure - 09/07/2020 05:01

Today, my mother-in-law, who isn't southern, who’s family isn’t southern, and has never even mentioned any interest in anything even remotely southern, decided to give us a baby gift: a hand-crocheted confederate flag blanket. We’re an interracial couple. I think she’s trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 549

You deserved it 218

Kitchen Nightmares

By cook for yourself dammit! - 12/07/2020 14:01

Today, tired of my husband complaining that my food was basic and bland, I went out of my way to learn to cook using new recipes and fresh ingredients. He complained that I took too long to make dinner, and that the food is "fancied up shit." He can cook his own meals now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 752

You deserved it 224

By Anonymous - 08/02/2015 16:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 041

You deserved it 2 753

By Nola - 13/09/2018 22:00

Today, my fiancé got his associate degree in the mail. Wanting to surprise him when he got home, I opened it to display it before going out to buy groceries. His dog got a hold of his degree and shredded it to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 325

You deserved it 1 809

Lies

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of Santa is to a coworker, and how every parent should tell their kids the truthLies. The intercom microphone was on. I single-handedly told a group of 100 six year-olds that Santa isn't real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 771

You deserved it 72 851

By Anonymous - 12/03/2016 14:13 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, after struggling to get something out of my eye, I kept my eye open long so it would start to water. My mother in law noticed and said, "Aww, do you need a therapist again?" She knows full well I struggle with chronic depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 673

You deserved it 1 600

Brothers in arms

By MitchRapp - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother asked me what I want for my birthday, so I said that we could just hang out. He told me I should ask for something more realistic, like a gift card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 565

You deserved it 1 759

Relationship goals

By failhusband - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "Nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 305

You deserved it 73 520

By ___Ruby_____ - 08/10/2018 12:00

Today, as I rushed to get my pants on, I slipped and bashed my forehead against the solid oak back board of my bed. School starts in 30 minutes and I look like I lost a boxing match horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 565

You deserved it 393

Panic mode engaged

By Kit - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 740

You deserved it 6 023

And then.....

By Emmpag - 02/02/2020 01:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 319

You deserved it 816

By just socially awkward - 16/11/2018 12:00

Today, despite the carriage being entirely empty, a large man chose to sit right beside me on the train. After making me uncomfortable with personal questions, he asked if we could be friends and hang out, both of which I shyly declined. He then accused me of being a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 109

You deserved it 210

AT&Twat

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 20:02

Spicy

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his best friend that the only reason he likes to sleep over at my house is for the sex and the fast internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 283

By Lexy - 10/11/2018 12:00

Today, I saw my boyfriend coming up the walkway to our home. When I opened the door to greet him with a huge smile on my face, he scowled at me and angrily said, "I don't know why you have to do that!" Smile gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 132

You deserved it 447

By unemployed - 09/11/2018 15:30

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call for an interview. Right in the middle of the call, my phone hung up so the music app could open. I tried calling them back and got no response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 789

You deserved it 400

By Dv0829 - 21/10/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 257

You deserved it 4 836

By Binks - 23/11/2018 15:30 - United States - Bonneau

Today, my dad took away my Xbox because "You never do anything active." I had just run a 5K. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 965

You deserved it 257

By wedding leper - 23/01/2016 05:25 - United States - Tucson

Today, I woke up after a two-day drive to go to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful, there's mountains everywhere, and my new backless dress is gorgeous. Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered in bright red bumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 560

You deserved it 1 580

By Mini-wanker - 18/10/2011 17:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 584

You deserved it 8 878

By anonymous - 22/01/2016 01:55 - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 004

You deserved it 1 620

By UKRukus - 18/01/2016 21:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I stopped a guy from running under a moving London bus. No-one else saw what happened. How did the guy thank me? He wanted to fight me because I made him miss the bus I just saved him from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 400

You deserved it 1 385

UKRukus tells us more.

UKRukus 12

Wednesday 20 January 2016 4:57

It was not a routemaster. im a londoner too. i take risks crossing myself, but i know when you can do it, and when you cant. this guy didnt realise the bus was right behind him as he went to run out on the road. he wouldnt have made it. if he goes about catching buses like that every day, it defies science and logic as to how he is still alive.

By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 17:47 - United States - Winona

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 761

You deserved it 16 301

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The Top

The Top

Today, I still can't poop unless I hear the sound of the bathroom fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 814

You deserved it 1 438

Today, I got a bikini wax. They said it wouldn't hurt too badly, and that it would just sting. My friend heard me screaming from all the way down the hall in the waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 247

You deserved it 20 062

Today, I found out my girlfriend had sex with three different guys in one day. All at a party. A party that I was at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 514

You deserved it 7 136

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 356

You deserved it 20 022

Today, my husband is out of town for a week. My toddler asked me, "Mommy, why are you being nice to me now?" I was the same as always though. That's when it hit me: I've been in a severely toxic relationship and I've been taking it out on my toddler to long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 1 181

Today, as I’m single, I got permission to bring a friend as my plus-one to my sister's wedding. He’s religious so I thought of all people he’d be one to behave. Nope. He got plastered on champagne, slapped the brides ass as she was walking down the aisle with our dad, then started a fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 122