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By CaptainKidd - 30/01/2016 02:34 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I finally scrounged up enough change to do laundry, so I loaded up my car, swung by the bank to take out my rent money, and stopped at a gas station to get a drink. When I came outside, my car was gone, along with all my clothes and rent money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 993

You deserved it 2 947

CaptainKidd_fml tells us more.

CaptainKidd_fml 12

Saturday 30 January 2016 19:51

No, I didn't leave the car running. I do leave an extra set I keep hidden in the car so in the two minutes I was gone, I guess they got lucky. To clear up some confusion, I'm a college student and have to live paycheck to paycheck. I don't get paid nearly enough at my job, and as soon as I get paid, that money goes to rent, leaving just enough for food. For laundry, I save up the change I get from work until I have enough to do a load.

By iTried - 28/01/2016 12:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 592

You deserved it 8 801

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 016

You deserved it 10 562

By SensitiveTech - 26/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was loving on a dog at work. I noticed her fur was coarse and short and I'd never felt anything like it before. I broke out in hives all over my face. This happens whenever I'm around any cats, guinea pigs, or rabbits and now some dogs apparently. I'm in school to be a vet tech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 707

You deserved it 496

By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 03:16 - United States - Houston

Today, at my retail job, I tried on one of our hats. My co-worker told me I shouldn't because I could get lice. I laughed it off and told her I didn't believe her. Man, do I believe her now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 574

You deserved it 8 571

Will you…

By why - 17/08/2013 14:18 - United States - Lexington

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 585

You deserved it 7 403

By xxemetahxx - 11/07/2019 06:00

Today, I got home from work early to find my boyfriend spread eagle on the couch, taking pictures of his anus. Apparently, that's what his other girlfriend is into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 817

You deserved it 237

Never let your guard down

By Nanana32 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Hudson

Today, I fell asleep on the beach while tanning. I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from my stomach. Why was bread on my stomach? Because my little brother knows birds are my biggest fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 356

You deserved it 6 204

Before you get mad…

By Anonyme - 05/12/2018 12:30 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, my wife came home and said, "Before you go into the garage, let me tell you what happened…" She was stopped at a traffic light and when it turned green, she stepped on the gas, but the truck in front of her didn't. The grill was smashed and the car has a 3-inch hole in the bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 593

You deserved it 255

By mcullen21 - 12/06/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 547

You deserved it 11 727

By Felix - 05/12/2018 15:30 - Ireland

Today, my 1 month old kitten peed all over my kitchen floor. I wanted to get some water out of one of drawers and slipped on the piss. My phone shattered and i dislocated my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 673

You deserved it 451

By Sarah - 30/08/2012 12:58 - United States - Hampton Bays

Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 908

You deserved it 2 126

By Serum - 05/08/2013 16:41 - United States - Wichita

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 715

You deserved it 5 551

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 03:00

Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 641

You deserved it 204

By lights on forever - 02/08/2013 20:57 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 920

You deserved it 9 217

Shotgun wedding

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 122

You deserved it 4 758

Nitpicking

By Unteachable - 08/02/2017 14:00 - United States

Today, as a high school English teacher, I had to read submissions for a writing contest. The entries were filled with words like "irregardless", "could of", "acrost", and "ain't". These papers were supposedly written by the best students in the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 321

You deserved it 816

By swimmonster81 - 25/12/2015 21:22

Today, my mother told me how she managed to afford all of the expensive Christmas presents we got. She took out extra money when applying for my student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 872

You deserved it 1 591

By GarnetShaddow - 27/02/2017 12:20 - United States - Boulder

Today, my boyfriend decided he preferred his other girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 536

You deserved it 757

Garnetshaddow tells us more.

Garnetshaddow 30

Sunday 26 February 2017 23:21

I am the OP, and very shocked this actually got published! (Though I HATE the GIF they chose... Can that get removed?) Basically, it's a shit situation all around. He knows her from his public speaking job, and she used to live out of state. He met me locally. He was going to tell her they were done the same day she told him she was job hunting in our state and moving to be closer. I did know pretty much the whole time. He kept setting deadlines on making a decision. Pretty much all of them were tied to whether or not she was actually moving here. This went on months. I finally told him he had to pick one girl to date... and he decided because she made the commitment of moving here from another state, she deserved at least a chance. Of course, he wants to be friends, wants to hang out, understands I won't wait but if things don't work out... I haven't heard from him since. I probably deserve it. I still feel like it's an FML.

By yeetyeet - 10/03/2019 04:00 - United States - Whitehall

Today, we were taking a bio quiz and I understood the subject, so the people sitting behind me asked me to help them out. Being a kind fellow classmate, I did. When the teacher got suspicious, she asked the class, "How are all of you getting the same answers?" everyone pointed directly at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 3 363

By Sady_Ct - 17/03/2019 18:00

Today, I took my dogs to the off leash dog park as usual. Today some dick decided to feed my pup alcohol while I was cleaning up after my other dog. Now my pup is sick and the vet is worried he may not survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 469

You deserved it 237

Insanity

By fmcsl - 13/04/2019 20:00

Today, a customer bought a luggage tag and asked what it was for. I explained and she asked if she had to hang it around her neck. I explained again and she said she didn’t have her luggage with her so did she have to hang it around her neck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 174

By junko - 18/11/2015 01:44 - United States - Tyngsboro

Today, my parents found out that my younger brother has been smoking pot. As his punishment, he can't be home alone anymore. And apparently, I'm now his full-time babysitter since I "don't have a life anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 989

You deserved it 2 050

junko_fml tells us more.

junko_fml 21

Saturday 9 January 2016 1:17

Hey, everyone! OP here. After this happened, my parents enforced the rule for barely a day before they realized how stupid it was and how impossible it is to enforce. My brother (who is 18, by the way) ended up finding loopholes in every punishment that they gave him afterwards, while I lived my life of freedom. Thanks for your advice, guys; I enjoyed reading your comments!