The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Don't bother

By TomorrowMaybe - 08/10/2016 16:29 - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, I got my new smartwatch that I ordered for myself on the promise that I would use it for tracking my new exercise routine. Instead, I used it for playing Pong whilst eating cake and drinking wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 790

You deserved it 8 286

By Screamslikeagirl - 27/09/2016 19:17 - United States - Union City

Today, there must have been a wasp clinging to my front door because when I walked outside, it dropped between my glasses and my face and began stinging me all around my eye. I don't know if my eye is more swollen from the stings or from me repeatedly punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 172

You deserved it 1 178

Fashionably Late

By blindedbythelight - 02/09/2017 04:28 - United States - Orlando

Today, the pair of solar eclipse glasses I ordered weeks ago arrived. I'm sure they'll come in handy for 2024. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 191

You deserved it 360

Chancer

By annoyed - 24/09/2017 01:30

Today, I received an email from my insurance company about a claim that happened over a month ago when I hit someone from behind. I was very apologetic and stated it was my fault, and now they're trying to claim replacement vehicle costs. I was going under 10mph and their car only had a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 752

You deserved it 514

By CrawlingUnderARock - 26/09/2017 16:00

Today, I discovered that a company has been using a photo of me for one of those "she lost 50 pounds" online ads. I'm the "before" photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 337

You deserved it 398

By taelor14 - 08/11/2017 01:30

Today, after boarding my flight, the flight attendant looked at me and said that I had to sit elsewhere because I had to be over 14 to sit near the emergency exit. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 410

You deserved it 323

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 04:17 - United States - Gilroy

Today, I was heading out for my flight to Australia. I'd put a padlock on my luggage to keep my wallet and passport safe, only to realize way too late that I'd left the key at home. I couldn't get at my passport and ended up missing my flight and my whole vacation along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 312

You deserved it 9 557

By leahkasscar - 06/12/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I kissed my 3.5 GPA goodbye because my English teacher was too caught up planning her parrot's birthday party to put in the credit I deserve for three different essays I completed for her class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 315

You deserved it 384

Hushhhh

By Anonymous - 15/07/2016 16:14 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 792

You deserved it 3 115

Catfished

By TooGulible - 12/07/2016 20:08 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I was at work at an ice cream shop when a hot guy came in and started chatting me up. I got him his ice cream and as I handed it to him, he mentioned that I was cute and walked away. Then I realised he hadn't paid for the ice cream, and I didn't even get a date out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 340

You deserved it 3 819

The girl?

By Anonymous - 26/12/2019 01:00

Today, my mate was bragging about the nudes he was getting from this random girl, he proceeded to show me... It was my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 626

You deserved it 288

Charming

By jay ze punk - 29/01/2013 19:56 - France - Metz-tessy

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 850

You deserved it 5 244

Behind closed doors

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Mansfield

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 224

You deserved it 45 189

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 569

You deserved it 11 528

By jellybean_94 - 15/08/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 498

You deserved it 7 385

FREEDOM

By Idontlikefireworks2 - 07/07/2018 19:00

Today, some idiots set off fireworks close to my house. I was a bit worried, but my uncle assured me it would be fine and left to run an errand. Just minutes later, I looked up to find the tree right next to my wooden balcony engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 312

You deserved it 267

By Fuck's sake! - 25/04/2016 01:34 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 273

You deserved it 27 416

She definitely won though

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 15:00

Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 677

You deserved it 821

By Lennie Mcfish - 28/08/2018 01:30

Today, I confessed my love to my crush over text. Later, she posted the message I'd sent her on Facebook and wrote "look at the pathetic man". The post had over 50 laugh reacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 643

You deserved it 542

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 06:24 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 085

You deserved it 1 933

Three kids?

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 208

You deserved it 321

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 14:19 - United States - Abington

Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 197

You deserved it 1 469

By let it go! - 01/12/2018 22:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my ex from high school is married and has kids but still found time to make yet another fake profile to berate me for cheating on him when we were 17. I've already blocked him, moved states, and changed my number twice. We're in our 30s. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 3 527

You deserved it 1 540

By definitelynotugly - 02/12/2018 12:00

Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 845

You deserved it 352

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 05:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 225

You deserved it 1 311

Panic!

By notanightowlanymore - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Clyde

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 621

You deserved it 2 179

You what?

By daddyrobyn - 18/12/2018 13:30

Today, my aunt informed me that my cousin's only problem with his girlfriend is that she's not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 435

You deserved it 167

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 00:00 - Korea, Republic of - Pyongtaek

Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 562

You deserved it 25 285

Classic

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he had to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me his wife was going into labour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 967

You deserved it 6 370

Lookin' good

By Sleeping Beauty - 19/12/2015 19:20 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 086

You deserved it 3 782

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Mental health Work Exhausted Embarrassing Teenagers Health School Miscellaneous Art Painting Cute Awkward Kids Clumsy Love Dating Cars Transportation Painful Delivery Annoying Gross Video games Gamers Family Cops Mysterious Poopoo peepee Food

The Top

Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yes, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 336

Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 55

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 170

You deserved it 3 164

Today, I went skinny dipping with my friends. A security man drove up the dock we were on with his bike. After informing us that the dock was closed, and noticing all of our swimsuits on the dock, he refused to move his flashlight beam from us in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 038

You deserved it 39 362

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 657

You deserved it 2 905

Today, it's been a month since my grandma passed away. Up until that point, I'd been visiting her regularly to make sure she was doing okay, and to get out of the house for a change. Now that she's gone, I have one less reason to leave the house. My life is even more dull than before. I want to go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 131