The Top

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Welcome to Hell

By Anonymous - 08/10/2022 14:00

Today, I got my period two days early. I have really bad cramps and my lower back hurts pretty bad. I'm getting over having bronchitis, I wanted to relax, but instead my mother had the bright idea to walk around the mall for two hours. We sat in traffic for another hour before we made it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 168

Great date

By SonofDonald - 22/01/2013 17:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 527

You deserved it 4 044

Tedious

By anon - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got fired from a great babysitting job because the little girl said I was boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 987

You deserved it 16 391

Smelly business

By skunkcat - 11/03/2020 21:00 - United States

Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 1 784

Stuck with you

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 04:01

Today, I sent my abusive girlfriend a text, explaining I was breaking up with her via text because I was afraid for my physical safety if I broke up with her in person. She video chatted me less than five seconds later from our doctor's office, where the doctor confirmed she is in fact pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 347

Enough already!

By SadWoman - 01/10/2022 01:30 - United States - Kula

Today, my counsellor said that my venting needs to stop with this session, and that I needed to have goals towards which she can help me go. But I'm so lonely and just wanted to talk to someone. So now, a person won't take money from me to listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 637

By Shuttie - 18/01/2013 12:55 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 599

You deserved it 43 648

Alanis, we've got another case!

By Arghh - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had an allergic reaction to cranberry juice. The only reason I was drinking cranberry juice was to help with a bladder infection. Now I'm covered in what looks like a rash and peeing constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 437

You deserved it 3 448

Seasonal allergies

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 06:01

Today, I sneezed inside my helmet when I was driving 90 mph on my motorbike. No quick solutions were available to improve visibility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 281

By drunkluv - 12/04/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 072

You deserved it 4 192

By hiii. - 16/03/2010 02:27 - United States

Today, I was so bored I googled the word "bored." The results were boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 344

You deserved it 40 902

No fun

By Nofun - 29/08/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was helping my mom pack for our family vacation. We were both talking about how excited we were, when she turned to me and said, "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come? It's just… I want to have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 112

You deserved it 5 580

Chill out

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 20:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, I found out one of my "friends" is “scared” to talk to me because I’m black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 14/01/2013 10:06 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 587

You deserved it 8 308

By strongjon60 - 07/02/2012 15:07 - United States

Today, at my internship, I was told we were going to do something fun. I was excited, until I found out that this "fun" thing was labeling 500 folders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 185

You deserved it 3 640

Young at heart

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 12:00

Today, I found out when meeting her that my uncle has a girlfriend who is half his age. She's worse than a toddler; she started begging and crying for chocolate in the middle of a car ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 89

Panic!

By We almost had a collective panic attack over nothing! - 18/08/2025 20:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I checked Life360 to see how close my dad was to home. His profile stopped moving for several minutes, then it greyed out and the app said he couldn't be found. My mom and I thought something terrible had happened. After one very stressful half hour, he appeared. His phone had gone into airplane mode… somehow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 426

By Anonymous - 05/04/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 931

You deserved it 6 022

Bumbling

By Jane - 19/02/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, during an interview, in my nervousness I accidentally handed the interviewer an A4 paper with my doodles and a grocery list instead of my resume. I guess they now know I need to buy more milk and have a questionable talent for drawing stick figures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 259

That escalated quickly

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 20:00

Today, I chipped my front tooth trying to pick up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 327

Blinded

By Anonymous - 25/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, my phone’s flashlight turned on in my pocket while I was at the movie theater. I didn’t notice until the stranger next to me whispered, “Hey, your dick is glowing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 03/04/2011 09:35 - Australia

Today, I was in the shower 'grooming' myself for my second anniversary with my boyfriend. Halfway through the hot water ran out. I now have the choice of going with the low 'half-fro' or risking hypothermia. My boyfriend thinks hypothermia would be the better option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 597

You deserved it 28 459

Stink bomb

By Jenni - 02/08/2021 18:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got into my car to remember that I left dead fish and waxworms in my car from fishing at the lake yesterday. We unloaded everything but those two stinky things. It was 90 degrees today too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 1 275

Adulting

By FailedMommy - 24/02/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out my 20 year-old daughter has a 46 year-old boyfriend. She met him at her job. When I objected, she told me that I can’t tell her “heart” what to do because she’s “grown” and “in love.” I had to teach her how to wash and she still leaves dirty pads on the floor, but sure, she’s “in love.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 208

Heatwave

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 06:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, it appears I’m allergic. My stomach inflates like a soccer ball and produces terrible gas, and I really don’t feel so good in general. What am I allergic to? Summertime. Every year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 93

Our Kansas

By Anonymous - 20/10/2022 22:00 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, my son waited until the night before he had a presentation on Arkansas due to tell me about it. We (meaning me, alone) stayed up until 3 am making a topographical map of the state out of plaster and drywall. At 8 a.m., a half hour after he got on the bus, I found it laying on his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 1 664

Blissful ignorance

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 14:00

Today, I had to explain to my mom that the phrase "turn me on" does NOT mean "make me happy." At least not in the context she was using it. She was adamant that her definition was the correct one. I'm not sure I've convinced her what it actually means. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 163

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 16:01

Today, we have a double driveway, but after my wife left, someone parked in my wife’s spot, presumably to avoid the public car park fee a few streets away. I called a tow company and very specifically asked them to tow the intruding red car, but they towed my black work truck instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 139

Cut him some slack

By Anonymous - 04/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, it was my turn to do the dishes. My lazy dad just leaves his dishes in the sink without even wiping or rinsing them out, and it's been going on for weeks. When I confronted him about it, he gave a childish huff and said, "Well, next time, YOU make me breakfast!" He's unemployed and never does the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 154

What's your resolutions?

By why? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Hackensack

Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 358

You deserved it 2 507

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The Top

Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 596

You deserved it 34 987

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 947

You deserved it 27 182

Today, I had to get into my house via the dog flap because my mom changed the locks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 174

You deserved it 4 502

Today, I was horseback riding. Somebody yelled something behind me, so I turned around. Next thing I know, I am on the ground and my head is killing me. It turns out I ran into a tree branch. The person behind me simply said, "Watch out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 65

Today, I am home sick with a sinus infection. I had to break up a fight between my two dogs over who got to chew on my snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 573

You deserved it 548

Today, my sister and I have been in a prank war. She spammed my phone with dozens of random dick pics from the internet. My boyfriend saw and accused me of cheating. Now he won’t talk to me, and my sister won’t help me explain things. Guess she won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 672

You deserved it 306