The Top

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Locked and loaded

By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 03:07 - China

Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 202

You deserved it 43 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 129

You deserved it 34 831

God ain't paying my bills

By Anonymous - 03/12/2022 18:00

Today, at my catering job, a woman left me a fake £10 note as a tip, which was actually one of those stupid invitations to attend her church, since "God is more valuable than cash." I have two kids and a wealthy ex refusing to pay support, so I’d have preferred no tip at all instead of this bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 166

Storage wars

By ADayAtATime - 19/04/2024 22:00 - Australia - Wacol

Today, I brought my daughter to work with me. When we walked in, a client was blowing up at my boss, all because as my boss was walking past his storage unit, he glanced in and was about to compliment how neat it was. After my boss left, I had to deal with the aftermath, which left my daughter terrified of this man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 120

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 998

You deserved it 4 788

Bye bye love

By unknown - 27/11/2012 18:45 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I ran across the street due to a line of cars waiting for me to cross. Just as I reached the other side, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and fell into the road, just in time to get run over by multiple cars, one after the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 109

You deserved it 7 369

By somewhatlucky - 27/12/2011 09:42 - United States

Today, my mom convinced me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I have anxiety problems, so I had a panic attack. She then laughed, and said, "Just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction. It's the best so far." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 097

You deserved it 3 882

Bullshit reason

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 23:02

Today, my husband wants a divorce. His reason, so he claims, is that he went to see a card reader a few months ago and she told him our relationship would not last. Apparently, our astrological signs or something are not compatible, so he thinks we shouldn't waste our time. We've been married for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 192

Late stage capitalism

By Anonymous - 11/12/2022 15:00

Today, I got laid off. I spent the last two months planning a conference for my company. They fired me the day before the conference. I skipped my ex-boyfriend's funeral to be at the first day of this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 218

Thanks Taylor

By Anonymous - 24/04/2024 20:00 - United States - Westhampton Beach

Today, I listened to Taylor Swift’s new album. I’m a life long Swiftie. I also had a baby last year. Her name is Aimee. One of the lyrics in Taylor’s new song is “F**ck you, Aimee.” Now I can’t listen to this album with my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 548

By Z - 26/11/2012 10:26 - Australia

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 808

You deserved it 25 026

By Paige - 26/12/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, my parents gave me an iPhone. They then checked my grades online, and promptly took it away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 209

You deserved it 52 290

Long time coming

By I'm the boss, not you - 26/04/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 2 584

By zitgirl - 14/02/2012 14:14 - United States

Today, after 22 years of perfect skin, I woke up with a bunch of angry zits on my nose. I used a clay face mask that was supposed to dry them out. Instead, they were bigger and green. Today is Valentine's day, I finally have a guy to go out with, and my nose looks like it's rotting off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 851

You deserved it 5 582

Countdown

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom - Normanton

Today, my wife was screaming at our son over his maths homework, so I poked my nose in to help calm them down. My wife was not happy when I pointed out that most of her calculations and answers were wrong, whereas our son got most of his right. I’m now in the doghouse because my wife can’t count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 107

My smol bean baby

By Heather05 - 11/11/2025 15:00

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and politely asked if I could keep my “crying baby” quiet at night. I live alone. I don’t even have a baby. I have a cat. A very dramatic, needy, attention-hungry cat who yelps when I close any door or leave her eyesight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 141

By cooney7 - 03/11/2013 05:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a family meeting about opening up a business. During it, I had an allergic reaction and my throat began to close. Nobody tried to help. In fact, pictures were taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 746

You deserved it 3 088

cooney7 tells us more.

cooney7 3

Sunday 3 November 2013 15:39

My allergy is known to both me and the family and my epipen was on hand as it always is. I never knew that the food contained ingredients I am allergic and as I said, my throat started to close and I was struggling to breathe. The reason wasn't because they're laughing at me or anything like that, 'my face was a great shade of red for the company logo'. They did help me eventually by injecting me. Weird story, I know, but my family have a track record of being idiots.

By Ophelia - 22/11/2012 05:44 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 419

You deserved it 4 129

Nervous

By Anonymous - 14/11/2025 09:00

Today, I met a blind date from a dating app. He looked nothing like his pictures, but I tried to be polite. I said, “Wow, you look different in person!” He smiled and said, “That’s not me. He’s probably just running late, and I’m just sitting here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 150

Taking advantage

By Stigmamma - 28/06/2020 05:06

Today, after 3 months of my man claiming he's going to start eating better "next week", he finally went on a diet. What changed? I started eating healthy while trying for a baby. He is "supporting me" by getting me to do extra meal prep for him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 364

Landlords need love too

By Anonymous - 19/09/2021 02:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I started my weekend right… outside my grandmother's house, trying to repair her yard. The senile landlord came by and trashed it. This isn't the first time. He's pushing 90 years-old, so it's hard to tell if he has dementia or if he's doing it on purpose. All I want to know is, why hasn't he retired? FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 63

It doesn't get better as you get older

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 09:00

Today, I woke up with a stinky smell piercing my nose. Yesterday there was a party at my boss’s house, where I got super drunk and passed out. When I regained consciousness, I realized my panties were wet, my pants were wet, and, of course, the bed was wet. I’m 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 1 392

Foot in mouth syndrome

By Anonymous - 05/05/2024 12:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had an interview for a pretty interesting job. Everything was going smoothly until I referred to their company by the wrong name, not once, but three times. They politely corrected me each time, but I could see the resentment in their eyes, especially because it was the name of their main competitor. I probably won't be getting the job, huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 817

Enjoy your stay

By Anonymous - 16/11/2025 09:00

Today, I walked into my hotel room, took off my coat and started unpacking. Ten minutes later, an older couple walked in, holding luggage. I'd gone into THEIR room. The receptionist gave me the wrong fob. They were surprisingly calm, but I had to explain why I’d already used one of their towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 88

By erika - 28/07/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I got a sunburn all over my stomach from a tanning bed. In an attempt to relieve the itching, I looked up natural treatments since we have no aloe. After trying yogurt, milk and mayo I found out that our water was shut off so the shower could be fixed. I now reek of mayo and milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 857

You deserved it 46 976

What is going on?

By Anonymous - 18/11/2025 20:00

Today, I was in a quiet meeting on Teams using noise-cancelling AirPods when my coworkers started giggling. I assumed someone’s mic was acting up. Turns out, my mic was on, and the mysterious squeaking noise was my chair… or so I thought. Nope. My dog was also behind me licking a balloon for some reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 92

By cmart_9 - 29/10/2013 04:24 - United States - Clayton

Today, my girlfriend got a detention for public display of affection. We go to different schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 230

You deserved it 4 480

Not helping

By soldnone - 18/11/2012 10:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 518

You deserved it 1 989

Boredom

By Anonymous - 03/07/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, I'm so bored during quarantine that I'm looking forward to the virtual doctor's appointment I made for next week, about the potential erectile dysfunction I might have. I'm also 22 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 213

Not cool, Mom

By Anonymous - 10/05/2024 22:00

Today, my mom still spends time with my ex because, as she puts it, we might be divorced now but there’s no reason they can’t still be friends. This is the woman who tricked me into raising another man’s baby for three months before I got suspicious and got a paternity test. Screw you mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 119

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The Top

The Top

Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 061

You deserved it 3 772

Today, my dog died. My parents told me to bury it out back. In the process, I managed to dig up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 477

You deserved it 4 616

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted, "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 361

You deserved it 4 015

Today, I went to the grocery store where I work to pick up my pay check. After I got it, I headed back to the dorms to take a quick nap before Chemistry later. I woke up, and my check was gone. I later found it. In the form of a text from my roommate saying he gambled away 'our' money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 582

You deserved it 4 038

Today, I had a restraining order put on me. I have apparently been following a woman's daughter home after she leaves track practice and parking my car outside their home. I'm a math teacher at the school and leave everyday at 4:30. I have lived across the street for the past six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 302

You deserved it 2 569

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my little sister about trying to hook up with my friends. Married or not. She just turned 18 but I’m hoping this was the first and last time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 94