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By HarleyGirl - 26/04/2017 00:00 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, I watched my fiancé ride off on my motorcycle with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 865

You deserved it 366

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 844

You deserved it 3 669

By Save Me - 22/06/2017 17:43

Today, I found out that the small town I moved to to escape the crowds is actually a popular tourist spot in the summer. The majority are unbathed. I work in retail at the only convenience store, and the temperature has hit triple digits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 337

You deserved it 1 292

C8H18 tells us more.

C8H18 33

Tuesday 20 June 2017 16:47

OP, here. Being a small town of 200 hundred people there's really not much information when I did searches. Even the realistate agent didn't mention it. I've found that the tourists only know if it because they live in the sourrounding cities a few hours away and simply searched for lakes in the area. Unfortunately this "lake" they're vacationing to isn't really a lake. It's a man made reservoir for our drinking water. :/

Breakout

By liisiuu - 13/07/2017 05:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 044

You deserved it 906

Caught in 404p

By bgierczak2 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wallet was stolen from my purse at work. When I asked my boss to pull the security tape so we could identify the thief, he said, "I don't think I want to know who it is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 828

You deserved it 1 785

By DrawingWaves - 27/09/2016 22:36 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, my girlfriend tried to hook me up with a guy. It's the second time it happened since I met her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 595

You deserved it 1 600

By warp_routine - 31/03/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201 065

You deserved it 13 925

Hit and run

By whyme - 02/09/2016 04:33 - United States

Today, my friend and I were eating in my car in a McDonald's parking lot, when an angry, drunk man stumbled out of the restaurant and into his car. He then hit the McDonald's wall, turned around and sped straight into my car. I only bought it a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 837

You deserved it 1 281

By castironstomach - 03/10/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that my daughter will literally eat until she is sick to keep her father and brothers from getting her dessert. I also learned that my boys are sympathetic vomiters. All five of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 790

You deserved it 394

By Kaeyne - 24/03/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

I agree, your life sucks 281 410

You deserved it 47 614

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 18:36 - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I saw a homeless man on the street and decided to give him the dollar bill I had left in my wallet. He said "Thank you" then as I turned to walk away, he muttered "Cheap-ass cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 162

You deserved it 1 548

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 23:31

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 5 297

By Code_Skull - 30/06/2016 06:53 - Netherlands - Vlissingen

Today, I went to work using the train. While on the train, I fell asleep. I woke up 130km late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 471

You deserved it 2 846

Code_Skull tells us more.

Code_Skull 12

Friday 1 July 2016 8:50

OP here, turns out my boss was also late. Coincidences like this are called "luck" i suppose. about setting an alarm, i've done that but for some reason i slept right trough it. also, dutch trains are pretty crowded at the moment, so nobody thought about waking me up. until the next post thingamading i guess.

By Mexican - 19/06/2016 03:06 - United States - Chicago

Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They finally gave in. After they handed me my diploma, they decided to leave because it was "too boring." I'm currently sitting on the curb of the street waiting for my Uber, while people take pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 508

You deserved it 1 505

By Anonymous - 29/03/2018 15:00

Today, after three weeks in the hospital for a lung infection, I was released. On the way home, another car ran a red light and T-boned my car. Back to the hospital I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 762

You deserved it 200

Jonathan Richman approves

By MeepMeep - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to do a Google Image search to prove to my 32-year-old husband that roadrunners are real animals, and not just made up for Looney Toons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 053

You deserved it 540

By ideserveit - 28/05/2016 22:10 - Finland

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend after a fight. I told him the reason I was so irritable is because I'm on my period. He yelped in disgust and nearly fell out of bed. Good to know I'm dating a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 059

You deserved it 1 855

In the words of Shaggy...

By WasntMe - 28/05/2018 20:30

Today, my husband went through my phone and computer, accusing me of cheating. Baffled and hurt by the untrue accusation, I asked what he found that made him think that. He replied, "Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" Apparently, no evidence IS evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 057

You deserved it 249

By finalfantasy - 22/06/2018 01:30 - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 876

You deserved it 271

Sting operation

By tingleballs - 28/04/2016 14:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 917

You deserved it 5 319

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 06:00

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 049

You deserved it 537

Secret sex

By anonymous - 01/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 806

You deserved it 466

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 00:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I realized the only real accomplishment I've had in my life that I take any pride in is that I've had an FML published. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 442

OK Shaggy

By Notakidpusher - 24/11/2015 03:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker brought her 3-year-old son to work with her. When introducing him to me, she dropped her bag and bent over to pick it up, knocking him over with her butt in the process. When she stood up, she noticed he was sitting on the ground crying. She then accused me of pushing him over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 282

You deserved it 1 442

By Uggghhh - 09/05/2017 02:00

Today, I'm sitting at the vet's office while they run expensive tests on my cat. This is to make sure he doesn't have a bowel obstruction from eating the condom that my partner and I used last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 281

You deserved it 1 793

By unefoispasdeux - 04/07/2017 21:00 - France - Paris

Today, I went out to a club with a friend who got her wallet stolen. Wanting to help her look for it, I left my purse with a different friend while I went back inside to look. She put my purse on the floor and it got stolen as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 408

You deserved it 1 902

By kunjac0945 - 14/09/2015 05:21 - United States - New York

Today, I slipped in my own vomit while dashing to the bathroom to puke. My knee hit and shattered the toilet; the toilet shattered my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 687

You deserved it 2 359

kunjac0945 tells us more.

kunjac0945 21

Monday 14 September 2015 16:46

OP here. For clarity's sake, this actually happened to me several years ago, on the first day of my summer break. I had to spend the rest of break, as well as my birthday in a cast.

By thedeadone - 15/07/2019 00:01

Today, I found the phone number of my biological mother after years of searching for her, and gave her a call. I introduced myself by name and said, "I'm your daughter." There was a pause at the other end, followed by, "The one I aborted or the one I gave away?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 458

You deserved it 221