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By anonymous - 03/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 349

You deserved it 3 404

By ick - 31/07/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 629

You deserved it 60 147

By bubblooz - 03/04/2014 02:01 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I was working at a coffee shop. I was serving a customer when a cockroach appeared out of nowhere, and I screamed. Customers aren't supposed to know about the bugs so I had to lie and say I spilled coffee on myself, and served the customer while I felt the bug climbing up my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 202

You deserved it 10 098

bubblooz tells us more.

bubblooz 13

Thursday 3 April 2014 20:59

Hey! it's the OP posting. I'm very surprised this got posted. Here is some information about the fml/my job. 1) We had a health inspector come last week and our place passed the exam. We are actually a very clean place. 2) The bug problem is being taken care of. There are traps all over the place and a pest control guy is coming in soon. Bugs are very hard to get rid of. Once eggs are laid, they will stay there forever. And the place used to be a KFC. 3) We barely see the bugs actually crawling around. That's a reason why I screamed, it was my first time actually seeing one. 4) Bugs do not go in the drinks or food. Customers watch me make their lattes, pour their coffee, heat their wraps, etc. 5)Even if the health inspector didn't come, if I was to complain and the place shut down- me and all my coworkers would lose our income. Also, typically every food place has their dirty secrets like this. Welcome to the food industry. 4) I am only 16 years old, however I need this job. I can't afford to quit. I pay my cell phone bill and majority of my necessities, and I am saving up for university. 5) I have been looking for a new job for a few months. I am handing out resumes constantly at malls and applying online. It's not easy... especially because I'm a part time student with little experience. The moment I have another job, I will give my two weeks notice in. And also, this experience was horrifying. I screamed so loud I startled the customers. I hate bugs. Once I was finished serving the customer I ran to the bathroom, got the bug off me, and then adjusted my pants so I could tuck them into my boots. I appreciate all the comments and the funny jokes!

By sad - 30/03/2012 22:21 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said, "Good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was, "Just wank it off and move on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 679

You deserved it 3 030

By anon - 31/03/2014 22:10 - United States - Chappaqua

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 230

You deserved it 5 793

Thanks but no thanks

By nu_ravers_101 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went surfing. One of my instructors came up to me and told me that the other, good looking, instructor didn't have a girlfriend. Who then turned around and said, "I do if you are trying to set me up with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 032

You deserved it 4 180

That blows

By Oww - 24/07/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I have a zit on the edge of my nostril, along with severe allergies. I can no longer tell if my tears are from pain or hay fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 99

By earths_venus - 24/07/2010 07:44 - Australia

Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King Kong and bow down to him whenever he walks past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 991

You deserved it 3 621

Stress factor 11

By Jonoq - 04/10/2019 16:00 - Canada

Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 134

By SocialAnxietySucks - 26/03/2014 03:31 - United States - Houghton

Today, the clock in the study lounge was off, so I was half-an-hour late to class. I was too embarrassed to walk in late, so I sat for the next half-hour with my ear against the door trying to hear the lecture. People stopped to ask if there was something wrong with me. Yeah, probably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 326

You deserved it 11 979

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 04:10 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 550

You deserved it 3 994

By FeedMe - 27/05/2011 10:45 - United States

Today, my mother went shopping. She bought three boxes of Popsicles and a giant stuffed dog. She did not buy dinner or toilet paper. I've eaten nothing but cereal and popcorn for three days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 950

You deserved it 5 682

Light day

By Anonymous - 09/10/2019 14:01

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 629

You deserved it 431

Narcissist Mom

By ItsYou - 22/11/2023 10:00

Today, my coworker was going on and on about how her son was nice and got good grades but that she needed to find him a therapist because he's too shy in class, and how she didn't want her friends to think badly of her. She's a counselor. I sat in silence for almost an hour, because all I could think was, "WTF? Poor kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 113

See someone

By lovingpsychosis - 26/05/2011 07:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 153

You deserved it 3 871

By Ma_Nikka - 20/03/2014 01:38 - United States - Chico

Today, I was making a special birthday delivery for a customer. As I handed her the fruit basket, I said, "Hey, we have the same birthday! Happy birthday!" She called me an attention whore and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 787

You deserved it 5 810

Ma_Nikka tells us more.

Ma_Nikka 24

Saturday 22 March 2014 2:50

Heyy! First I just wanna say happy belated birthday to those who shared the same birthday as me: #30 yeti37, #39 Shaowolf, and #66 amvelasco19's dad because I'm NOT an attention *****. So yes the customer ending up calling back claiming that she didn't receive her box of chocolate dipped apples along with her bouquet of chocolate dipped fruit that I delivered earlier. Since she signed the tag showing she had received her delivery my boss said that the delivery was successful and we don't have the box in our walk-in and that there's nothing we can do. We had the box and my boss let me have it. Karmas a bitch. Being in customer service I was genuinely just trying to be friendly as I have been with previous customers. This was the first time someone was rude. However I enjoyed my birthday anyway and thank you all for wishing me happy birthday! :D

By skc - 14/03/2009 11:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave myself a facial with one of those masks you leave on for a while. I busied myself by tidying my room while it dried and eventually forgot all about it. I finally remembered about it after I answered the door to the postman. Not embarassing enough? I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 389

You deserved it 65 074