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By LaurenLehmmman - 27/12/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 296

You deserved it 52 291

Slow down

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 23:01 - Canada

Today, after months of ultrasounds and blood tests, I found out that the pain I've been feeling in my ovaries is actually just sore muscles from flicking my bean every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 1 181

What do I get?

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 06:01 - United States - Kula

Today, it's our ten-year anniversary, and I thought finally we would break our 10-month dry spell with some action. My husband had dozed off and was snoring even before I could reach the bed after finishing my chores. So much for happily ever after… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 354

The blame game

By Karlin - 07/04/2026 00:00 - The Netherlands

Today, I asked my wife to keep our toddler confined while I hung a shelf. Of course, she didn't, and he came in and picked up a screwdriver. I tried to take it away, and he ran off giggling, only to trip and slice his forehead open. According to my wife, this is entirely my fault and she is taking him to her mom's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 95

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 27/01/2022 20:00 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my mom texted me to let me know that my wife and I are no longer allowed to visit her house together, because she doesn’t want it to appear like she’s OK with queer relationships, but she’s OK if we visit one at a time because she still wants to see our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 200

Dead in the water

By Anonymous - 14/04/2023 00:00

Today, my marriage must be over. We just spent a week in Paris, the most romantic city in the world, and we never left our hotel room. Not because of constant sex but because my wife couldn’t be arsed to get dressed, be romantic or anything. She sat on her tablet watching Netflix IN FUCKING PARIS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 173

By tigger2013 - 03/08/2013 04:01 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 943

You deserved it 5 685

By coolcocoxxx - 25/08/2012 06:53 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I found out that my crush didn't remember calling me beautiful, telling me he liked me, or any of the other romantic things he said to me while drunk last night. He did however remember me promising to bake him cookies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 823

You deserved it 3 163

coolcocoxxx tells us more.

coolcocoxxx 12

Saturday 25 August 2012 19:40

For anyone wondering, he didn't get the cookies. And it was before he started flirting with me... His birthday was coming up soo

Dr. Phil

By NotSoSmart - 04/09/2019 02:00 - United States - Ventura

Today, in the spirit of being helpful, I accidentally convinced the girl I'm secretly in love with to stay with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 905

I should stop talking

By Anonymous - 14/04/2026 22:00 - United States - Austin

Today, while working retail, I spent 10 minutes helping a customer pick out the perfect outfit. At checkout, trying to be friendly, I said, “This will look great on you, it’s very forgiving.” He paused then said, “Forgiving of what?” I had no recovery. Just silence, a receipt, and a mortifying interaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 593

Supportive role

By Anonymous - 19/04/2023 00:00

Today, it was supposed to be date night but my sister's husband was taken to hospital, so I agreed to to babysit my nieces. My boyfriend went out drinking by himself because, “it’s not his fault I have nieces and can’t say no to my sister, so why should his night be ruined?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 456

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 15:28 - Canada - Sooke

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 556

You deserved it 3 028

By tal - 22/08/2012 09:57 - France

Today, I packed my bags and left for the airport. When I passed through security, the X-ray scanner discovered that my cat had also come along for the ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 65

By Foreverathome - 28/09/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, after months of telling my parents I was going to live on my own, I finally moved out. Not even 24 hours being out of their house, some reject burned down the apartment complex I live in. Guess who's moving back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 957

You deserved it 2 582

How's life going?

By Lewis - 14/12/2018 00:30

When life gives you lemon, it's often juice, directly in the eyes...

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 86

By kimmykins27 - 31/10/2014 12:58 - United States

Today, we told my fiancé's parents that I'm pregnant. His mom's response? "I'm going to throw up. You can't raise a child." We are both 28, self-sufficient and everyone else is thrilled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 236

You deserved it 3 075

Help!

By spasticock - 19/08/2012 18:09 - Portugal - Barreiro

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 400

You deserved it 3 696

By anonymous - 24/09/2011 15:22 - United States

Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 431

You deserved it 4 724

By Lapis - 20/12/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 997

You deserved it 2 886

By j - 04/06/2009 03:36 - Australia

Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 393

You deserved it 6 557

Grifters gonna grift

By Anonymous - 27/01/2022 11:01 - United States - Troy

Today, my sister is famous after lying on TikTok about being abused as a child. Everyone believes her and she's selling books and scamming people out of money. She also keeps posting videos saying the family is tormenting her. None of us have spoken to her in almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 90

Chop chop

By shaz - 27/04/2023 10:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 134

Badass

By Bloodline's Dead-End - 25/09/2024 14:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my grandmother and I got mugged. As I stood there paralyzed with fear, she grabbed the mugger from behind as he escaped, and gave him a suplex, knocking him out. Then, as if nothing happened, she dusted herself, picked up our things, held my hand, and said, "Come on baby, let's get you a clean pair of shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 505

By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 17:49 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 184

You deserved it 3 912

By Anonymous - 04/07/2019 14:00 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I'm so sick, I'm even sick in my dreams. Orientation for my new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 132

Red flag

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 11:01

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 3 years has spent a total of 2k on OnlyFans throughout our entire relationship. I thought everything was going good. I guess that's the red flag for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328

You deserved it 240

She's right

By Anonymous - 01/05/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my son came home upset that his crush is still friendzoning him. While he and I were coming up with a plan to get her to change her mind, my wife burst in and yelled, “She doesn’t fucking like him! Get the fuck over it and leave the poor girl alone!” Way to be supportive, hon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 1 333

Hold your friends accountable

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 04:00

Today, a guy made fun of sexual assault victims, and laughed when he heard they’re getting money and support. He also said I look like his next victim. I hit him, unapologetically. My friends told me to apologise, and that he’s really a great guy. No longer my friends. Talk shit, get hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 262

Summon the demons

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 10:00

Today, after my son lost an eye in an accident, he has recently been fitted with a professionally made false eye. I thought I could trust him to take it seriously, but nope, turns out when getting the eye made, he secretly insisted the eye be a mixture of blood red and fire yellow to look demonic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 296

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 17:25 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I found out that ever since I got my blonde highlights, I've been mocked behind my back at work, and nicknamed "The Skunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 906

You deserved it 13 430

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The Top

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 582

You deserved it 1 632

Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 244

You deserved it 2 776

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 753

You deserved it 18 737

Today, as I was taking the garbage out, I tripped over my own feet, causing my knee to dislocate in such a way that it shattered the back of my kneecap and fractured my femur. I guess I won't be taking the garbage out again anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 214

Today, I got short-changed for a 12-pack of Mountain Dew. but I let it slide, even though they charged me double. i get home and immediately the box exploded and all the cans went falling down a flight of wooden stairs onto concrete. Fourteen stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 225

Today, when I took off my shoes to change into my work boots, I smelled dog poop. I must have stepped in it on the way to my car this morning. Guess what the floor mat of my brand new car looks (and smells) like… FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 121