The Top

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Poor little kitty

By Anonymous - 13/01/2022 17:01

Today, I realized the kitten I adopted months ago either has serious attachment issues or the worst case of Stockholm syndrome I've ever seen. Only I can get near him, he can't stand us being over 5 feet apart, he meows until I let him into the bathroom with me, and I feel like a jerk for disliking it. I need space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 337

Blabbermouth

By betray the betrayer - 11/10/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, after a lifetime of my mom being a huge gossip, even about her own kids, and lying about being the one spreading it around, my siblings and I have decided to stop telling my mom things. Now she lays these huge guilt trips on us, just because we don’t want the world to know our business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 107

Team number #1

By IantoJones_fml - 22/12/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my country’s congress failed on key legislation for social supports, voting rights and climate change. Thus probably dooming our democracy, our planet, and our species. Society may collapse within my lifetime. I don’t know how to protect my loved ones, nor how to process my grief and fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 1 086

By hannah - 15/09/2012 22:16 - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 225

You deserved it 7 619

Where to start?

By doggone - 24/03/2023 22:00 - United States

Today a big-ass hawk swooped down and carried off my daughter’s dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 20:25 - Canada

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. I happen to be allergic to all types of pain medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 663

You deserved it 3 174

For no one

By NotEvenInTheRunning - 24/03/2023 02:00 - Ireland

Today, in front of all my family, my grandmother said it was so funny how my brother was my mother’s favorite, while my sister was my father’s favorite. When I asked whose favorite I was, there was silence. From everyone. Including my parents. Guess I know where I’m not wanted now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 137

By no that does not help - 20/08/2013 13:41 - United States - Austin

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 593

You deserved it 7 787

By fml - 04/01/2010 03:50 - Canada

Today, I walked to the end of my driveway to pick up the newspaper. I read the front page that was talking about people who have been getting hurt from slipping on ice. Laughing about that thought and walking up my driveway, I slipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 841

You deserved it 34 899

Speaking in Welsh can cause this too

By Anonymous - 26/12/2021 22:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was harassed repeatedly by other passengers during my flight for speaking Arabic and sounding aggressive. I was in no way being aggressive, and I had to speak Arabic because it's the only language my mother-in-law speaks. Such a fuss was made, I did end up being questioned by TSA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 192

By ledentist - 12/09/2012 02:24 - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 506

You deserved it 2 299

By poluxe - 16/10/2011 21:08 - France

Today, I tried to hint to my husband that we needed a new washing machine. I mentioned that we got our current one way back on our wedding day. He replied, "Yeah, and I got you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 261

You deserved it 7 918

By Hammy - 25/11/2014 02:17 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 753

You deserved it 3 850

Gimme the drugs

By Debi - 25/01/2022 01:59

Today, I scrambled to get out of work on the dot to go to a special pharmacy that closes at 5 pm an hour away. I arrived at 4:58. Upon reaching the door, one of the employees came and locked it in my face. Apparently, her going home early was more important than me getting my medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 415

By Anonymous - 16/06/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 978

You deserved it 40 523

One last thing…

By Aerostar - 16/06/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 208

You deserved it 69 582

By amayasoma - 12/08/2013 18:54 - United States - Houma

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car's ashtray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 654

You deserved it 7 040

Jailbait

By Riotxxo - 18/01/2022 16:58

Today, after confessing to my 16 year-old sister that I was only into guys younger than me, she said that was OK because she was attracted to guys in their late 40's and that an age gap was not that much of a big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 358

By Unlucky - 15/11/2014 02:18 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 958

You deserved it 3 043

By unfortunatelyunlucky - 12/12/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, while parked at school, someone broke into my car by smashing the window. I called the police and they informed me I could drive it to the local station as it was an easy 2 minute drive. As I was driving there, I got pulled over for driving with a smashed window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 105

You deserved it 2 609

Bag of frozen peas time

By Anonymous - 21/01/2022 23:01 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I got sent home from work after a customer's daughter kicked me in the balls because her order was wrong. She was 6 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 122

By ShaunBomb - 11/12/2010 06:11 - United States

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 749

You deserved it 3 140

By LaurenLehmmman - 27/12/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 296

You deserved it 52 291

Slow down

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 23:01 - Canada

Today, after months of ultrasounds and blood tests, I found out that the pain I've been feeling in my ovaries is actually just sore muscles from flicking my bean every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 1 181

What do I get?

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 06:01 - United States - Kula

Today, it's our ten-year anniversary, and I thought finally we would break our 10-month dry spell with some action. My husband had dozed off and was snoring even before I could reach the bed after finishing my chores. So much for happily ever after… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 354

The blame game

By Karlin - 07/04/2026 00:00 - The Netherlands

Today, I asked my wife to keep our toddler confined while I hung a shelf. Of course, she didn't, and he came in and picked up a screwdriver. I tried to take it away, and he ran off giggling, only to trip and slice his forehead open. According to my wife, this is entirely my fault and she is taking him to her mom's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 95

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 27/01/2022 20:00 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my mom texted me to let me know that my wife and I are no longer allowed to visit her house together, because she doesn’t want it to appear like she’s OK with queer relationships, but she’s OK if we visit one at a time because she still wants to see our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 200

Dead in the water

By Anonymous - 14/04/2023 00:00

Today, my marriage must be over. We just spent a week in Paris, the most romantic city in the world, and we never left our hotel room. Not because of constant sex but because my wife couldn’t be arsed to get dressed, be romantic or anything. She sat on her tablet watching Netflix IN FUCKING PARIS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 173

By tigger2013 - 03/08/2013 04:01 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 943

You deserved it 5 685

By coolcocoxxx - 25/08/2012 06:53 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I found out that my crush didn't remember calling me beautiful, telling me he liked me, or any of the other romantic things he said to me while drunk last night. He did however remember me promising to bake him cookies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 823

You deserved it 3 163

coolcocoxxx tells us more.

coolcocoxxx 12

Saturday 25 August 2012 19:40

For anyone wondering, he didn't get the cookies. And it was before he started flirting with me... His birthday was coming up soo

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Pregnancy Kids Family Money Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Friends Holidays Annoying

The Top

Today, I found out that if a guy you've been dating starts acting weird, there's probably a reason why. Like, perhaps, a wife and two kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 915

You deserved it 3 129

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 509

You deserved it 16 149

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 733

You deserved it 3 221

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 739

You deserved it 4 993

Today, I decided to try out a new look. Hair, make-up, dress. Later, at work, a guy from our insurance came to assess the building's fire damages from 2 days ago, saying, "I'm here to take pictures of the wreckage." One of my coworkers said, "She's right over there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 126

Today, my boyfriend mentioned that he wants to get a vasectomy. I didn't give it much thought, until two things occurred to me. 1.) I have PCOS, and was told by multiple doctors that I can't have children. 2.) He almost never wants to have sex anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 86