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By :( - 06/06/2013 23:37 - United States

Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 942

You deserved it 4 759

By SHIT-BREATH - 05/06/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Chepstow

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 518

You deserved it 15 120

Sometimes it's better to be ghosted

By Slob - 15/05/2022 10:00

Today, the guy I’ve been seeing ghosted me. I called, and he answered on the fourth call. He said, “Listen, you’re too fat for me and you eat like a slob everytime we go out to eat. Try getting a salad instead of chicken wings and onion rings, and maybe you’ll keep a man. Do it for your health too.” and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 664

By Ser17 - 10/08/2011 17:47 - United States

Today, I was preparing food in the microwave. I hadn't noticed that a fly had flown in until I noticed its melted corpse engraved into my hot-pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 954

You deserved it 5 911

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 879

You deserved it 2 733

HOAs suck

By Slivered - 18/11/2009 09:50 - Canada

Today, my condo board refused to lift the new policy, which requires pet owners to carry their dogs in common areas after someone's dog kept peeing in the hall. I can't physically carry my two dogs, so I'm now forced to wheel them through the building in a borrowed baby stroller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 146

You deserved it 3 970

By lsta - 04/05/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 096

You deserved it 4 441

Help?

By StungAlot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 729

You deserved it 2 821

By annonymous - 18/06/2012 01:57 - United States

Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 378

You deserved it 2 047

By Kathryn - 08/08/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 460

You deserved it 15 873

Lonely, so lonely

By Sonja - 22/05/2022 14:00 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I would’ve been allowed to return to work after recovering from an accident two months prior. Yesterday, I had to start self-isolating after having gotten infected with Covid at one of my mandatory store trips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 106

Not so secret

By Alison - 23/12/2024 16:00 - United States - Reno

Today, during our office Secret Santa gift exchange, I unwrapped my gift to find a mug that says, "World’s Okayest Employee." Everyone laughed. My boss added, "Well, it’s accurate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 141

By DudeManBro69 - 01/05/2009 13:15 - United States

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs, some hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I'd told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 054

You deserved it 3 576

Can't be unseen

By my poor eyes - 15/02/2021 23:01 - United States - Danville

Today, I found out the hard way that my 74-year-old dad sometimes wakes up early and washes dishes. Sounds great, except sometimes he likes to do so with nothing on from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 100

Mistaken identity

By Anonymous - 15/05/2022 12:00 - Brazil - Fraiburgo

Today, after cutting my hair and shaving, I had girls hitting on me for the first time ever! Too bad they thought I was a butch lesbian, not a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 162

Make your mind up

By FML! - 07/08/2011 00:27 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 782

You deserved it 6 604

Strange things are afoot…

By Klepto - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 345

You deserved it 74 150

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with really sore abs; not from working out at the gym, but because I've been coughing for 3 days straight and nothing is helping. Now every time I cough, it physically hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 140

Saucy devil

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 22:58

Today, I was helping my Dad with an internet issue he was having. He gave me his tablet to check it out. I opened the browser, and there were 8 tabs open. All of them were PornHub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 168

What did I do?

By Anonymous - 29/07/2023 00:02 - Australia - Sydney

Today, like every other day, my older sister hates me, and I have no idea why. She refuses to speak to me and has never provided me with a reason why. She gets along great with my younger sister though and I get to see them having fun together in Facebook posts all the time. I'm heartbroken and she doesn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 129

By gwengas - 30/07/2014 06:51 - France - Saint-ouen-des-alleux

Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 42

Vampire mode

By Anonymous - 01/08/2023 10:00

Today, my doctor put me on a new medication that came with the warning to stay out of the sun. I live in the desert and my country is having the highest temperatures recorded ever in human history. Guess I should stock up on white, long sleeve shirts. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 140

By SydIsPrettyCool - 04/08/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 171

You deserved it 3 400

Haute cuisine

By youwouldbeacat - 28/04/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 754

You deserved it 53 605

Get out

By hackshack - 08/06/2012 19:45 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 518

You deserved it 3 946

By Username - 08/10/2010 10:53 - France

Today, I was making my bed, which would normally be a simple task, until I leaned into the wooden foot of my bed, and put my entire body weight on my left nut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 286

You deserved it 10 480

By Miserable - 11/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I did laundry in my apartment complex's laundry room. I put my stuff in the dryer and returned to my room. The sign on the door says the laundry room closes at 10 pm, but that's rarely true. Tonight it was. I have to wait until 8 am. I work at 7:30. My work clothes are in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 644

You deserved it 41 159

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 337

You deserved it 16 704

By teegtwo - 22/07/2014 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 055

You deserved it 27 010

Make it stop

By ughhhh - 10/11/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, my roommate's boyfriend told me he would be driving the several hours EVERY weekend to come see his girlfriend. As a couple, they are constantly all over each other, and can't seem to break out of the annoying baby talk voice. Plus, they like to kick me out of the room to do stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 417

You deserved it 5 766

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The Top

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 845

You deserved it 16 797

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 814

You deserved it 4 372

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me, thanks to a friend's TikTok account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 85

Today, I was diagnosed with COVID, and given a week off work to quarantine. When I sat down on the sofa, my girlfriend slapped the remote out of my hand and handed me a list of chores, "to do while you're lazing around on vacation." It's four pages long. Double sided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 311

Today, I wore a new pair of shoes to work. By lunchtime, my feet were covered in blisters and I had to limp my way through the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 388

Today, my daughter decided to make popcorn and for some reason she thought the bag of seeds was for one portion's worth, so she poured the whole damn bag into our popcorn maker and filled half the kitchen floor. It now smells like a cinema lobby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 116