The Top

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By sydstreet - 25/12/2013 15:33 - United States - Dallas

Today, I realized there is nothing quite like having your mother be too hungover to open presents on Christmas morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 231

You deserved it 2 863

sydstreet tells us more.

sydstreet 9

Friday 27 December 2013 10:39

My mother is an alcoholic who refuses help. She gets drunk and violent so I'll try not to sue her over that! thanks pal I feel so much better!!!!

Comforter

By random - 29/01/2012 10:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I hooked up with a guy I'm totally in love with. After finishing, he burst into tears about being in love with another girl. I had to comfort him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 643

You deserved it 5 426

By BNLM - 09/03/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, I found the purity ring I lost a year ago. Too bad I lost my virginity 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 639

You deserved it 34 260

Considerate

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, my mother told me she's disappointed in me for not going to a better college, and that if I was in the top ten of my class that the rest of those ten must be really dumb. Fact is, I threw away the acceptance letters to Carnegie Mellon and Cornell because I didn't want her to have to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 099

You deserved it 42 692

By Anonymous - 27/03/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, I kissed a boy I have liked since the first day of university. I was thrilled until he followed it with, "Right, I don't think we should tell anyone this happened. Not that they'd believe it anyway." He then patted my ass and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 167

You deserved it 4 673

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 02:01

Today, and over the years, my wife has methodically destroyed our house, insisting she is good at DIY. Our house is either in bits, half-finished or falling apart. I had it confirmed by a realtor, who assessed the house as worth 100 grand less than we paid for it. It’s a building site with a roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 223

By ThoroughlyCreepedOut - 07/03/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 386

You deserved it 2 258

Thanks a bunch

By nose hurts - 30/12/2012 01:01 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 676

You deserved it 3 505

By shortiem - 06/03/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 728

You deserved it 4 836

By p00p_m0nsta - 10/02/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I finally reunited with a lot of old friends from school. It was great to see everyone grown up and hear the stories. At the end we decided to have a group photo for old times sake. They asked me to take the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 889

You deserved it 2 693

Simmer down

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I got yelled at by my mother for making noise after midnight. What was the noise? The microwave as I made something to eat. I work the night shift and had just come home from work, and I'm the only person in this house with a job. Apparently, me not paying her overdue bills cancels that out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 103

By awesome - 23/03/2011 00:18

Today, my friends thought it would be hilarious to show me Marley and Me the day right after I had to put down my dog. I had my dog for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 508

You deserved it 4 252

What just happened?

By What did I do last night? - 07/11/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, I've been experiencing a phenomenon where I wake up in the middle of the night, check the time, realize it's the middle of the night, and go right back to sleep. Every time I wake up after falling back asleep, I feel as though me waking up earlier was just my imagination. My own brain is gaslighting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 131

Toys R Us

By J…… - 07/02/2009 21:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 286

You deserved it 7 012

It's mine now

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 20:00

Today, my best friend's boyfriend stole her car, so now she wants my car, the one that I just bought from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 151

NSFW

By Pornstartled - 03/11/2022 14:00 - Netherlands - Zutphen

Today, my manager called when I was watching porn. I picked up after pausing the video, but somehow the video kept playing. I'm pretty sure she definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 1 443

Dogs 4 Life

By RIPFelicity - 21/08/2021 00:01

Today, my boss wrote me up for appearing "depressing" to customers. I told her that I was upset because my dog had to be put down yesterday. She told me, "Aw that’s sad. But guess what? That dog ain’t gonna pay your bills and put bread on your table. So cut the emo crap or you’re fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 251

By cleangirl - 14/03/2011 23:45 - United Kingdom

Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 567

You deserved it 4 627

By apple - 28/02/2010 18:57 - United States

Today, I had to clean out my room because I was having a sleepover. Only, I've not been in here for months since I've spent every night in my mom's room because I'm too scared to sleep alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 084

You deserved it 32 240

Bubbles

By soapgirl - 13/08/2009 16:07 - Philippines

Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 438

You deserved it 65 088

By d.stack - 12/08/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I ran sound for my ex's wedding rehearsal since I was the only sound tech in town. Her dad was late for the rehearsal, so the pastor had me to walk her down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 804

You deserved it 3 997

By jules - 10/03/2011 07:53 - United States

Today, an older man sat next to me while he ate his lunch. He dropped what I assumed was his cutlery. Wanting to help out, I picked it up off the floor. It was his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 253

You deserved it 5 047

My drip

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, the dry cleaner next to my house went up in flames. I went outside to look at the fire, as I looked on in amazement I realized I had dropped off all of my work clothes at the cleaners two days before. I was supposed to pick them up today, but was too lazy to walk the 10 feet to the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 862

You deserved it 67 046

By FML - 02/02/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 872

You deserved it 10 208

Instadrama

By Anonymous - 15/05/2020 20:00

Today, after suspecting that my boyfriend was cheating while I was out of town, I came across an Instagram picture of him with another girl. I found out that he told her he was single. When I confronted him in a comment, the girl’s friend replied, "He clearly likes her more than you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 791

You deserved it 606

Ambulances ain't cheap

By Mom - 29/03/2024 09:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 130

Leave me alone

By Antisocial, I guess - 23/11/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I got yelled at for having a set of headphones around my neck at all times, because it "makes me seem disinterested." Two things: 1. I have established myself as a very good listener among my peers; 2. I'm autistic, so I need the headphones readily available at all times to cope with loud environments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 146

By Karim - 12/12/2012 05:29 - France - Aix-en-provence

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 47

Party zone!!

By helloworld92 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple Smirnoff, I puked up the chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 581

You deserved it 8 270

Not so BFF

By Anonymous - 24/11/2022 16:00 - United States - Spring

Today, I asked out the guy I like, and he said yes. Later, I found out that he used to date my BFF and he broke up with her right before I'd asked him. I left him saying he should have told me earlier and that I would be weird if we dated. I talked to my BFF about it and she got mad at me. She literally didn't even tell me about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 235

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The Top

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 132

You deserved it 3 615

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 128

You deserved it 4 203

Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 565

You deserved it 6 483

Today, on my metro ride home, I sat next to a woman who thought it was appropriate to continually scratch at her scalp and then eat her 'scalp pickings'. When I looked over at her hair, I could see scabs clumped together from her previous scratching sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 111

You deserved it 3 262

Today, I found out the first person I was able to open up to in nearly ten years is already in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 165

Today, my husband and my mother's hatred of each other has got so bad, I wasn’t aware of why until now. She was his headmistress in high school, then they had an affair while he was at university, shortly before he met me at a Starbucks and dumped her without knowing I was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 98