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Wow this is my first FML that got published! Thanks for giving it a chance! I saw a few of you said I might have jumped the gun on this one. I might have but not before considering that there aren't any other position to be promoted to. It's a tiny company of 5. And there weren't anymore room or budget or busy enough for an additional staff. I had 2 managers & I didn't get along with 1 of them, and the other's (which I got along & like) often overseas. So I can guess this descision to hire a replacement is more with the manager who I didn't get along with. I had prior bad experience with a former employer who always threatened and actually went as far as advertising for a replacement when any staff's performance slipped so I'm quite sensitive about these stuff. On the upside, I didn't have to serve the 1 month notice and I actually got paid almost 2 weeks extra on top of a full month's salary. And I found another job pretty fast so!

By nes0385 - 27/08/2016 16:06 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after months of eating lunch with my best friend, going to Barnes and Noble, and having to poop while I was there, I realized I've trained myself to have to poop every single time I step into a Barnes and Noble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 888

You deserved it 2 064

nes0385 tells us more.

nes0385 5

Monday 29 August 2016 19:13

OP here! I so didn't think this was going to make it! But I loved reading all your comments! And yes I do read FML while I'm doing my business at Barnes and Noble lol

Insta-Creep

By wilmaa - 15/10/2017 17:15 - Canada

Today, a guy tried a pick-up line on me and followed me into a nearby mall. He left me after 10 minutes, but later sent me a request on Instagram. I never gave him my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 858

You deserved it 259

Nice mental image

By Anonymous - 09/08/2016 00:04

Today, my 12-year-old sister, who sometimes has difficulty coming up with the right words while speaking, used the word "intercourse" to replace "encounter". She was joking to my dad that she, "had an 'intercourse' with Bob Dylan." I can't get the image out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 986

You deserved it 1 349

By sayno2mermaids - 04/08/2016 02:08 - United States - Denver

Today, I set my beer on the windowsill while I made space for it on the table. Suddenly, the wind knocked the window open. Into my beer. Into a box of expensive electronics. It was the last beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 304

You deserved it 3 244

Science teacher

By Anonymous - 13/01/2020 18:00

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 259

By muscalata - 20/07/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 522

You deserved it 804

Baby steps

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 13:00

Today, my class got baby dolls for the week to teach us how to be good parents. After school, I went to the store with my mom with the baby doll. When I got home, I realized that I left the baby doll in a shopping cart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 2 849

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 15:48 - United States - Nashville

Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 048

You deserved it 4 730

By notagoodtime - 06/02/2016 20:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 024

You deserved it 5 150

By fuckoffgramps - 24/01/2016 17:10 - United States - New Freedom

Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 601

You deserved it 2 271

By whattheactualfuck - 22/01/2016 12:50 - South Africa - Durban

Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 870

You deserved it 3 412

By h - 20/12/2018 00:00

Today, while at a restaurant, my three year old daughter pointed at an African-American girl and yelled out “She’s ugly because she’s black!” Me and my wife got dirty looks for the entire rest of our meal. We have no idea where she learned that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 918

You deserved it 609

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 19:58 - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 644

You deserved it 2 185

By DontGive2Fox - 05/03/2019 04:00

Today, I had my first job interview and didn’t have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn’t speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 268

You deserved it 1 682

By anon - 05/12/2015 00:32 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "no worries" to mean "don't give a shit about anything". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 153

You deserved it 2 836

By Questions - 12/05/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 576

You deserved it 530

By Gee - 16/06/2017 02:00

Today, I helped a stranger exchange 3,000 Argentinian pesos for US dollars through my bank. They gave him $3,000. The exchange rate is close to $195. My bank realized their mistake and now my bank account is -$2,805 expecting me to pay it back. All this happened before my recent paycheck came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 134

You deserved it 1 902

By Anonymous - 07/10/2016 16:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 698

You deserved it 1 182

By Krysis - 15/08/2017 15:45 - Trinidad and Tobago - Fyzabad

Today, while I was skyping two of my guy friends, my mom barged into my room to show me a really nice new lipstick she bought and wanted me to try on. It was a beautiful red color and as I asked how I looked with it on, my mother laughed and responded with "hahaha you look like a hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 497

You deserved it 450

Horror movie

By ihatevideos - 16/03/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989." They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194 828

You deserved it 37 517

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 832

You deserved it 5 951

Today, my ex harassed me at work again. I can't complain to my manager, because they're brothers. I can't report it to the cops either, because his uncle works at the police department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 143

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me. His response? "Why else would I be with you? Your looks?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 535

You deserved it 8 697

Today, my wife and I are having marital/intimacy issues. My 72 year-old mom basically told me to touch my wife, to hug her more, caress her lovingly, and pat her bottom, etc. Thanks mom, I'll grab her ass, that'll make it all better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 699

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 417

You deserved it 3 867

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 533

You deserved it 2 522