The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By K.S.S. - 17/04/2016 02:24 - United States - Rushville

Today, when I tried to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years, she had no idea we were even dating. She thought of all the movies, dinners, and "sleepovers" I had with her was because we were such great friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 521

You deserved it 4 316

By fuck em all - 27/09/2018 14:00

Today, my entire family is giving me the cold shoulder, including my parents, for not going to my sister's wedding. No one seems to care her new husband bullied me so badly in high school that I still need medication for my anxiety 15 years after graduating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 806

You deserved it 439

By Jackey - 05/06/2019 12:00

Today, I signed the contract for my 18th book sale. I went to school to be a serious writer. My latest book is a gay werebear story that involves male pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 1 095

Road rage gone feral

By 16590 - 15/06/2012 22:13 - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 364

You deserved it 4 855

By Jgfenix - 22/09/2015 00:24 - United States - Aurora

Spicy

Today, I was with my girlfriend at lunch when a group of guys came over. They started calling her a whore and a bunch of other shit, so I cussed them out. Turns out she was not only cheating on me, but all the other guys too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 991

You deserved it 2 256

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 18:31 - United States - Springfield

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 882

You deserved it 1 905

By Anonymous - 02/09/2016 14:50 - United Kingdom - Shepton Mallet

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd drive me to the jeweler's to pick out a ring. We drove there, I picked the ring, and the sales person rang it up. I glanced at my boyfriend, only for him to reply, "Well don't look at me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 710

You deserved it 1 978

Zing!

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 02:00

Today, I overheard my wife and teenage daughter arguing. My wife was complaining that our daughter is unappreciative. "You should thank me for giving you life," she said. My daughter snapped, "I thank God for that, not you." My wife sighed and said, "He didn't have to sleep with your father." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 236

The Customer Is Clueless

By Conner Johnson - 28/11/2017 05:00

Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 208

You deserved it 296

It's a trap

By Dangling - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lizella

Today, as I entered our narrow hallway while leaving the bathroom, my belt loop caught on the knob of a nearby closet. My husband had to come and rescue me as I hung there, my ass in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 092

You deserved it 1 820

By Anonymous - 23/05/2018 19:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after hours of pain due to bad food the night before, I accidentally and silently let rip. My wheelchair-bound aunt panicked and made a dash for the bathroom, thinking her colostomy bag had ripped. I was too embarrassed to admit it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 309

You deserved it 735

* backs away slowly *

By tima - 27/06/2018 01:30

Today, I went to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the first time. His room is decorated top to bottom with swastikas and confederate flags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 988

You deserved it 885

Whole foods

By anonymous - 06/03/2016 05:33 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 17 year-old daughter told me she was going to bake a cake. When she finished, she offered me some, but it was crunchy. I asked her why and she said the recipe said to put eggs in. She put them in whole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 321

You deserved it 3 574

Mutilated knob

By JWags - 04/12/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, at 30 years-old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 696

You deserved it 1 622

By feeling fed up - 25/04/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 853

You deserved it 606

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 14:06

Spicy

Today, my husband has always been clumsy, but am I alone in thinking it takes a special level of clumsy to trip over while naked and land with his penis in the mouth of the village slut across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 606

You deserved it 296

By DSCC - 28/09/2015 03:07 - United States - Akron

Today, I noticed I spend so much time with my cats that I tend to hiss at things that scare me or that I don't like. I'm turning into a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 508

You deserved it 9 971

DSCC tells us more.

DSCC 19

Monday 28 September 2015 16:15

Op here I happen to take regular showers and I have a boyfriend I've been with for 5 years so just because I may be a crazy cat lady does not mean I am single or smelly have a good day sir :)

By Druu - 22/06/2017 11:36

Today, my mother won two tickets in the Hamilton ticket lottery. My siblings joked that we would finally find out who the favorite child is. Who ended up going to the show? My two sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 250

You deserved it 448

By Anonymous - 04/09/2015 17:01 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 297

You deserved it 2 914

By BatIntoHell - 28/07/2017 03:21 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I learned that there's a colony of bats living inside my walls. The devices to prevent them from reentering are angering those remaining inside, and now I can hear them scuttling and screeching in almost every wall and ceiling in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 621

You deserved it 500

Otterbot tells us more.

Otterbot 3

Friday 21 July 2017 18:45

OP here, didn't have an account so I made one to comment! The devices that were installed are like one-way doors, so the bats can leave but not get back in. This meant the ones still in the walls got distressed when the ones outside didn't return. They're classed as "wildlife" meaning they can't be exterminated, so this is one of the easiest, non-lethal solutions to getting them out. It's been about a week, and the wall-scuttling has calmed down as they filter out, but it was like living in a haunted house the first few nights. Plus, over the course of the week 7 bats got to the interior of the house through vents (yeesh.) We caught those safely and returned them outside, but waking up in the middle of the night to a bat in your bedroom is not an alarm I'd recommend.

By rubyroyal123 - 13/08/2017 21:45 - Netherlands

Today, I asked my boyfriend to meet me in the park to talk. Just when I wanted to break up, he knelt down on one knee and proposed. I had to reject him in front of a whole crowd of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 718

You deserved it 960

By KayKay - 23/09/2016 06:33 - United States - Ware

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 419

You deserved it 1 384

Double Impact

By Zoogangcapk - 01/01/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 10 272

Close shave

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my girlfriend got heartburn. She started freaking out, convinced she was having a heart attack. Five hours and an ambulance later, we finally left the ER with a diagnosis of "too many hot dogs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 468

You deserved it 594

By SiegFail - 23/11/2017 05:00

Today, my students are asking friends and family to come to a charity event. That would be all well if they weren't constantly mixing up "Rally Against Genocide" and "Support Genocide Victims" and telling everyone to come to the "Rally to Support Genocide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 124

You deserved it 324

By j - 18/04/2016 22:24 - United States

Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 571

You deserved it 4 609

Check this out

By Anonymous - 30/09/2018 12:00

Today, I had to run to put the trash out for the garbage truck, only I was so hungover, I forgot I was only wearing an open dressing gown and no underwear. A few neighbours and passing cars got to see me swinging in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 2 740

Method

By EllieS9311 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Montevallo

Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 102

You deserved it 3 188

By Anonymous - 12/01/2016 21:03 - United States - Newport

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding, and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 883

You deserved it 2 181

Happy New Year!

By anon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Glenfield

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Year's party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 491

You deserved it 2 034

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 391

Today, I was relaxing on the sofa with the cat purring on my lap. My husband blasted an air horn. I'm now covered in cat scratches and piss, from both myself and the cat. I'm going to skin him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 92

Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 876

You deserved it 18 353

Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 340

You deserved it 167

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 351

You deserved it 15 689

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 862

You deserved it 31 444