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By miss tomato - 08/06/2012 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 522

You deserved it 5 679

Bye bye loser

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 031

You deserved it 5 030

Humping

By needanotherbed - 28/05/2014 14:21 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Spicy

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 440

You deserved it 6 207

By Brunette, small breasts - 24/07/2016 18:51 - Romania - Campina

Today, I decided to finally talk to my crush. I said, "Hello" to which he replied, "First, dye your hair blonde and grow some boobs, then we can talk business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 056

You deserved it 1 412

By Z - 09/04/2011 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 471

You deserved it 3 041

By dreefsa - 05/02/2012 08:08 - United States

Today, some guy hit my car and then threatened to sue me for "parking my car in such a way that it was impossible not to hit it." My car was in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 684

You deserved it 2 328

Alexa, play "Patchwork" by Tindersticks

By OneYearMistake. - 22/07/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 909

You deserved it 6 122

Pipe down

By Carl - 16/10/2011 12:47 - United States

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 425

You deserved it 2 587

Calling all stations

By Gurl - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Dublin

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 714

You deserved it 29 184

What the F, lady?

By Anonymous - 01/09/2012 00:49 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 228

You deserved it 2 505

By what_the_hell - 20/06/2013 08:35 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 907

You deserved it 3 608

Comedy gold

By skippy_liz - 26/10/2010 07:48 - United States

Today, I went to the library to pick up a copy of Romeo and Juliet for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied, "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 595

You deserved it 8 913

By NotAmericanIdol - 23/04/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 570

You deserved it 29 247

Nuts

By Painful - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 112

You deserved it 40 260

By sherronj - 07/06/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 323

You deserved it 7 546

By Anonymous - 31/07/2010 23:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I met a man at the bar, and he asked me to go home with him. The problem? He's 80. I'm 29. The bigger problem? I considered it. It's been that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 896

You deserved it 17 862

By that1guy - 14/03/2009 18:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who I've been dating for over a year, was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. That's when I saw she'd packed 10 condoms with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116 052

You deserved it 6 334

By mr1234 - 05/03/2014 21:37 - United States - North Weymouth

Today, every "entry level" job in my field is now requiring 2-5 years experience. I don't think they understand what "entry level" actually means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 843

You deserved it 3 378

mr1234 tells us more.

mr1234 6

Friday 7 March 2014 1:32

Thanks for the support and encouragement everyone, it's nice to know that I wasn't totally degraded for something that's been extremely frustrating. I'm very lucky the currently have a full time job (A supervisory position, at 24, as a woman!). And for those wondering, my field is business administration. i have a Bachelor's degree and plenty of legitimate work experience, just not experience that is directly related to what they want. so *whoosh* in the trash goes my resume!

Spineless

By Anonymous - 01/03/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was such a coward that instead of breaking up with me, he changed his phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 841

You deserved it 3 613

By appropriatepolice - 16/01/2012 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 65-year-old mother that it is inappropriate for her to walk around in front of me in her underwear. Her response? "Too bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 867

You deserved it 13 718

By VedaLynn - 03/12/2012 23:01 - United States

Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 2 695

By Anonymous - 26/02/2011 20:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 537

You deserved it 5 184

By CutieBooty - 22/02/2011 21:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 423

You deserved it 35 795

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 23:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 135

You deserved it 6 365

You what now?

By Anonymous - 30/08/2013 16:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 195

You deserved it 3 290

Not a sponsored post

By nutfreak - 12/08/2013 15:24 - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 637

You deserved it 3 640

By poop towel - 15/09/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 654

You deserved it 2 241

By mustanggt - 10/07/2012 15:39 - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 859

You deserved it 31 245

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 072

You deserved it 7 069

By Zxz - 08/04/2013 21:51 - Canada

Today, the power was out. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he wouldn't be able to watch any TV until the power came back on. His response was, "But we have Netflix." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 285

You deserved it 6 272

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Today, I applied for college graduation. Turns out my advisor screwed me over and now I'm 1 credit hour short of getting my degree. Now I have to wait another semester and pay $3,500 just to take a one hour class on Bowling so that I can graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 838

You deserved it 6 191

Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 432

You deserved it 5 038

Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 349

You deserved it 3 938

Today, my boyfriend got a raise after working at a company for 3 months. I'm proud of him, but I've been working at the company for almost 2 years, trying to get to his position. My parents own the company and put him there when they hired him, and now he makes more than me, thanks to their raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 565

You deserved it 956

Today, my long-term boyfriend and I went on a romantic getaway. In the hotel we were having great sex, I was so close to… and then he farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 320

Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked where I'm from. When I said Paris, he gave a look and said, "Oh, strange, I always thought Parisians were the most beautiful women in the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 379

You deserved it 4 560