The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By heallven - 31/01/2013 12:26 - France - Ostricourt

Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 98

By danikka1 - 11/03/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I told my husband that after fifteen years of marriage, I wanted a divorce. His first question was whether or not he could still go on the family cruise my parents are paying for in May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 120

You deserved it 10 505

By embarrassed - 31/01/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 526

You deserved it 5 384

Boredom

By alhummel21 - 12/02/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181 864

You deserved it 52 083

By whattdafuuukkkk - 05/06/2012 11:56 - United States

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 465

You deserved it 6 600

By Punk - 07/06/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 492

You deserved it 11 873

Pervy

By okaydisarray - 04/07/2015 02:31 - United States - Dayton

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 011

You deserved it 2 820

By parentalissues - 15/02/2013 15:50 - United States

Today, whilst on a phone interview with a college I really want to go to, my mother picks up the other line and shouts into the phone "She's not going to college, she's lazy and she'll only disappoint you." The interviewer hung up before I could say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 370

You deserved it 2 992

Living the dream

By rightinthekarma - 19/12/2012 15:26 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 997

You deserved it 82 595

By Anonymous - 18/12/2012 07:48 - United States

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 569

You deserved it 29 955

Legged it

By poserpilot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 976

You deserved it 6 836

By ash - 25/08/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 112

You deserved it 41 848

Life advice

By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 15:19 - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 310

You deserved it 7 326

Time wasted

By theunborn - 19/06/2012 16:42 - France - Vic-fezensac

Today, my parents made a list of all the things they could have done had I not been born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 882

You deserved it 3 575

By nomoresbfun - 22/02/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my most amazing spring break ever, will be spent stuck on a ship with my ex. It's been almost two years, and he still isn't over me. Yay. This cruise shall be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 685

You deserved it 6 117

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 15:49 - United States

Today, realizing how poor I am, I decided to steal gas. The only place I was brave enough to steal from was my parents' lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 025

You deserved it 38 470

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 482

You deserved it 93 914

By stillkindahorny - 13/09/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 853

You deserved it 4 745

By sicksicksick - 19/06/2013 17:23 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 674

You deserved it 3 682

By plasticfantastic - 25/04/2009 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 733

You deserved it 9 630

You little knob

By keelah - 27/06/2014 21:57 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year-old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year-old woman, to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 713

You deserved it 8 605

By englishtrio - 18/04/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 261

You deserved it 3 593

By latinalocks - 20/06/2014 04:59 - United States

Today, while working in a call center at a university, someone threatened to report me to the President of the University because "I" wouldn't accept their daughter who had a 1.5 GPA and "got accepted into Harvard". I don't even make the decisions, I just answer calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 170

You deserved it 3 785

latinalocks tells us more.

latinalocks 10

Saturday 21 June 2014 8:36

The parent reported me to my supervisor, my super proceeded to pull the recorded tape of the call and took my side. Faith in humanity restored!

By Unhappymothersday - 17/05/2012 20:41 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 537

You deserved it 2 179

Prevention

By CalyenaL - 13/05/2012 01:35 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, I'm found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I spoke at length about how we were going to handle things, which included him "forbidding" me from having an epidural, because he doesn't want our baby to "come out addicted to drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 824

You deserved it 3 195

By Crazy09 - 08/04/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me, "Don't worry, it's not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 122 409

You deserved it 6 572

By shorty - 21/04/2014 04:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I have dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 634

You deserved it 4 435

How? Why?

By bloody_hell - 15/01/2015 02:18 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I was faced with the inevitable horrible circumstances which lead me to put in a tampon on a moving city bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 619

You deserved it 5 242

By Anonymous - 01/08/2011 08:32 - Australia

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 578

You deserved it 17 573

By Kitty - 23/04/2009 08:54 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 108

You deserved it 6 825

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 023

You deserved it 19 465

Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 845

You deserved it 78 314

Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 157

You deserved it 4 159

Today, someone actually thought it was appropriate to compare my mother's death to the death of their cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 311

You deserved it 3 370

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 019

You deserved it 11 822

Today, marks the third day I've spent with a cute guy who has a crush on me. Before going to a public pool, we had a nice breakfast together. However, the food did not agree with me, so I loudly emptied my guts in the poolside restroom. He sent me home after, and will no longer answer my texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 181