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Hey, I'm the original poster. I think comment #78 has the right idea - I wasnt saying it in a rude way, just sort of jokingly, since the last few people had all said toasted. Was just putting theirs in the oven and getting her order at the same time.

By orely44 - 08/03/2013 14:13 - France - Rez

Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 13/01/2012 18:58 - Canada

Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 754

You deserved it 2 433

Hot wheels

By Liam. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 785

You deserved it 52 478

Freakshow

By iheartnjdevils - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our front yard. I didn't realize their job included walking around the house and gratuitously staring at me through the window as I dressed. My boyfriend won't complain because he's afraid our rent will go up in retaliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 980

You deserved it 8 075

By Anonymous - 30/04/2011 19:03 - United States

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 299

You deserved it 10 716

By Anon - 27/02/2010 16:07 - United States

Today, my boss told me that if I didn't become his neighbor on Farmville I wouldn't have a job. I laughed. He didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 736

You deserved it 2 942

By lovely - 19/12/2011 06:43 - Netherlands

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 633

You deserved it 4 597

By metallifreak44 - 14/11/2011 13:37 - Canada

Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 067

You deserved it 3 746

By Grounded - 03/11/2011 09:18 - United States

Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 997

You deserved it 3 363

Do it again

By BracesSuck - 09/04/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 608

You deserved it 3 218

That's a hard no from me, dawg

By soontobesingle - 19/03/2013 11:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 204

You deserved it 5 019

By nowhereman1990 - 03/08/2010 04:23 - Venezuela

Today, I heard on a local radio a song I wrote almost 2 years ago. Apparently, after my family and I moved away, my former band found a new guitar player, and that song is now the first single of their debut LP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 215

You deserved it 4 103

By o.v. - 16/05/2011 16:04 - Bangladesh

Today, the pipe in the dining room sink suddenly broke open and in about 15 minutes my entire apartment was turned into an indoor swimming pool. The worst part? I was there the entire time, playing video games with my headphones on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 105

You deserved it 47 637

Roadhogs

By tailgaterhater - 17/08/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5 mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh… I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 015

You deserved it 47 441

Panic!

By some_girl_19 - 05/08/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 274

You deserved it 9 467

By lawliet_L - 17/07/2009 15:54 - Canada

Today, I was going to check out my secret condom stash. When I looked inside, I found a note. The note read: "Thanks hun, I really needed this. Love, Mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 505

You deserved it 8 034

lawliet_L_fml tells us more.

lawliet_L_fml 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 7:31

1) it doesn't matter that i'm a teen or not. 2) i have a boyfriend i've been dating for about a year. so i'm not a *****. stfu 3) she didn't take any, and it was to the situation. 4) we talked about it and it's fine. because: 'if you wanna make love, use the glove'. no joke she said that. so i'm relieved now gotta hide 'em from dad. XD and yes my parents are together for the person who asked. :)

By Hesintrouble - 23/07/2013 19:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 047

You deserved it 4 339