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New friend

By Anonymous - 13/12/2023 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my kids got me a dog to replace the dog who died last year. I don’t like dogs, our old dog was my deceased wife’s dog, and I never liked it. I cared for the dog until it died of old age and fully intended to never get another one. Now I have a hyperactive puppy destroying my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 210

Frustration

By Anonymous - 15/06/2021 18:01 - United States - Aldie

Today, I found out I need surgery for a hernia that blew up after working out. I’ve been working out constantly to keep my mind off of my ex, who was the right person at the wrong time, and now I can’t even do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 142

Nice try, Patricia

By Anonymous - 25/08/2022 18:00

Today, my future mother-in-law tried to blackmail me out of the wedding with photographs of me with another man. Her son and I met on a swingers website and we both have multiple sexual partners, so we had to tell her the truth. Awkward doesn’t begin to describe it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 394

Get this shit away from me

By Tipped off - 18/06/2025 22:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I ordered sushi for dinner. When it arrived, I realized the delivery driver had given me the wrong order, a family-sized vegan lasagna. I don’t even like regular lasagna, let alone vegan lasagna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 98

Right or wrong?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2022 16:00

Today, my son's school called to inform me that I had to come pick him up, as he was caught vandalising. What shenanigans had he gotten up to? Writing "Epstein didn't kill himself" on various desks and walls around the school. I'm not sure if I should applaud the sentiment, or be annoyed that he got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 503

Trust issues

By Anonymous - 23/12/2023 20:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I ended up shitting myself when trying to pass what I thought was a small amount of gas, only for it to be diarrhea. I turned 37 last month. Never trust a fart, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 226

It's all fun and games, until…

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 20:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I have to give some serious thought to hair extensions. Not for myself, though. My horse let her canine friend rip her tail hairs out during play, and now she has no defense against the bugs. Know any hairdressers who make house calls to horses? FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 107

She's a keeper

By Anonymous - 21/09/2022 21:00 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, my wife of 8 years has been cheating on me for 5 of those years, making fun of me with her family that I don't have a social life outside of her and my 3 kids. I'm waiting to get my spinal fusion completed, so I'm a stay-at-home who that can't do much and have no other options, including no one to talk to about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 133

Better late than never

By Anonymous - 26/12/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I realised that despite all my careful Christmas preparation, there is one thing I forgot to get. The gift for my wife, which I should've picked up from the shop I ordered it from. It’s sat in that shop right now at 7pm on Christmas Eve. I’m a dead man tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 596

Reputable

By Heartbroken Dad - 30/12/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out why this reputable personal trainer resigned from our local gym. My wife started an affair with him and he thought it was better to quit so their relationship could be ethical. The worst part of all of this? Our 1.5 year old son is actually his and not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 147

It's not just stuff

By Anonymous - 07/07/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my almost-mother-in-law demanded I give my engagement ring back because it was originally her great-grandmother's, and she has now decided she wants it to go to her youngest son’s fiancée instead. My fiancé agreed and told me he’d just buy me another. He doesn’t get why I’m so upset either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 103

Jaywalking?

By Anonymous - 03/07/2021 16:01

Today, while walking on the sidewalk, I was hit by a daycare van. After going to the police to complain, I was given a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 113

Keeping up with the Joneses

By Eva - 11/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I met my ex from the college, and he invited me to dinner. Back then, he was rude and a bit abusive, but I agreed anyway. The man I saw today is loving, caring and fun, with a good job, and I really liked his wife. On the other hand, I'm between jobs, and my relationship's turned into the utter bore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 200

Thanks, I hate it

By Not funny mom! - 19/07/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I couldn’t figure out why I was getting so much spam in my professional email. My own mother thought it would be a hilarious “prank” to sign me up for a ton of random mailing lists. I missed an amazing job opportunity due to her bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 91

Worst roommate ever

By Anonymous - 08/10/2022 01:30

Tonday, I spent the night in my car because I didn’t want to go home as I just gave my roommate a 30-day eviction notice. My girlfriend is spending the night at a friend's, and I’m too cheap to get a hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 1 266

Not even once

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 09:00 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I got addicted to online slots, racked up nearly €30,000 in debt, and completely ruined my financial future. It’s been almost a year since I stopped gambling, but the shame and the debt are still crushing me. I’m trying to get back on my feet and even created a fundraiser just to breathe a bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 627

Fashion Week, Bitch

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 21:02

Today, I found out that my blazer was not in fact lost. How did I find this out? The girl who'd "lost it" was wearing it. She now denies it was ever mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 156

Pervs!

By Ew you freaks - 26/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I was taking my daughter to the hotel pool, and she was excited so she ran ahead to the door to the stairs, I heard her scream so I went running. When I opened the door, a man was getting a blowjob from another man, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTER! FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 102

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 31/07/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents still enjoy sex in their 60s, whereas my wife put an end to our sex life because she was tired of faking her orgasms. I had no idea she was faking, I thought our sex life was good, if she’d have told me I’d have done something about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 140

Gonna need it

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 07:59

Today, I decided that I was going to see a counselor due to the high amounts of stress my life. I planned to book the appointment when I got home. As soon as I got home, I noticed I had been robbed while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 96

The shape of you

By KLO65 - 17/08/2025 09:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, I told my gym trainer I’d do anything to get in shape. He challenged me to run a mile without stopping. I agreed, then got winded halfway through and dramatically collapsed on the track. A 70 year-oldish woman jogged past me and said, “You’ll live.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 456

Messed up

By bob - 15/02/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I see plenty of guys who've messed up on Valentine's Day and not getting their girlfriend’s gifts. Meanwhile, I’m over here having been turned down by every girl i’ve known for the last four years. “I only see you as a friend”, “I’m not interested in a relationship”, “I don't see you that way.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 687

Inexplicable

By omnomnom - 24/07/2021 06:01

Today, my son asked me if a video of a flame on a computer actually gives off heat like a fireplace. He was serious. He's 17 and inexplicably has straight A's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 156

Caught the bug

By STFU! - 03/04/2020 17:00

Today, my girlfriend has been randomly screaming out, “Coronavirus! Hehehe!” in a scarily accurate Cardi B impression. She’s been doing it for days and refuses to stop. I’m starting to think facing the damn virus might be less annoying at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 237

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 08:01 - United States - Portland

Today, I was bowling with a woman I like. At the end of the night, I was trying to decide whether I should ask her out. I went up to her and said, "It was fun bowling with you." She said, "Thank you, Patrick." My name isn't Patrick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 153

Never crush on company time

By Anonymous - 25/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent a heartfelt text to my crush confessing my feelings. I was over the moon when I saw they were typing a response. Turns out they were just asking if I could cover their shift at work. Rejected and now on the night shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 259

I could've been the main character…

By Anonymous - 31/10/2022 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after switching careers to nursing, I got feedback for my first assessment. It indirectly implied, "Don't think like a doctor when you're studying nursing, don't diagnose patients." I barely passed and I'm only now realizing why my family was pushing me to go to med school. They know me better than myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 693

No pain, no gain

By What's neck't? - 02/11/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, on this edition of me getting pimples in painful or uncomfortable places, I got a huge one on the side of my neck. I never thought that simply turning my head would be such a horrendously painful task. Also, the afflicted area of my neck suddenly itches like crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 113

Why are we even here?

By Bamboozled - 03/11/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, my parents told me that we were going to go and see my uncle, who lives very far away. I got excited, until I realized they fucking lied so I would attend the funeral of an acquaintance of my father, whom I had never met in my life, and he only met a couple times. This is why I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 146

The first step is acknowledging it

By Alex - 23/09/2025 15:00

Today, I fucked up. I let my mental health problems and the alcohol win. I was horrible to my wife and basically ended my marriage due to my problems and insecurities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 541

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The Top

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. Fifteen minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 838

You deserved it 17 587

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 406

You deserved it 42 671

Today, I was stopped by a cop whilst opening my front door. Apparently my house has been under investigation for being abandoned and a possible drug lab. I live alone with my cats. I knew it was sad, not that it was suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 697

You deserved it 280

Today, I was walking in the woods with the girl I like when I saw a vine overhanging a small creek. Trying to make her laugh, I took off my shirt and started swinging on the vine like Tarzan. The vine snapped and I fell into the creek. Guess who's missing half the skin on his back? FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 2 375

Today, I treated my adult daughter to a vintage record player to celebrate three months of sobriety. Now whenever her boyfriend comes over, they crank up the volume on my old vinyls, and I now have to associate Johnny Cash's "Get Rhythm" with them screwing like rabbits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 353

Today, my mom’s rescue dog snarled at me in an especially nasty way when I passed his bed. Turns out he stole mom’s purse, opened the zipper, and was now lying in a cozy nest of paper money. He was not at all amused by us trying to steal his treasure back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 91