The Top

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 12:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 508

MY WAIF!

By Bogrbon - 26/01/2022 20:01

Today, for the third time this year, my wife backed into the garage door. We’d just finally got it fixed exactly one week ago for $1800 from the last time she did it. Somehow it’s my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 120

Sticky situation

By AloneAtPerkins - 26/11/2020 10:58 - United States - West Bend

Today, I drove all the way to another state and dealt with Chicago traffic on the way just to learn to drive stick. I couldn't learn, because the truck was suddenly unavailable, and when it was available again, whoever had it last lost the keys. Guess I gotta make another trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 120

Get over yourself

By Anonymous - 18/02/2022 02:00 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I found out that the man I’ve been dating for four months still isn’t over his ex and that’s why he doesn’t want to make it official between us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 133

Polycule avoided

By Anonymous - 03/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating again. Not wanting to lose him, I suggested we try opening our relationship and being poly. He flew into a rage and swore I was just trying to think of an excuse to get back at him by screwing a bunch of randos. I can’t win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 489

Breaking!

By Anonymous - 04/10/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I sent an email to my professor requesting an extension for my assignment, using the tired old excuse that my "grandmother died." Instead, I sent it to my grandmother, who then called my dad on my family's landline in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 843

NYC public transport

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 17:02 - United States - New York

Today, there was a pretty girl sitting near me on the train home. I thought about asking for her number., but instead a drunk nitwit decided to wander around the car and came very close to touching her. She got up and moved to the other end, while I had to deal with a belligerent hobo who was now intent on fighting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 193

Side effects

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 23:01 - Netherlands

Today, I’ve been horny for weeks on end. Because I’m on antidepressants, I can’t orgasm, so the horniness won’t go away. The only thing I do is go to the gym, where literally EVERYONE seems fuckable. While I’m not depressed anymore, my vagina is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 195

What?

By IHaveThePower - 21/02/2022 02:00

Today, something blocked my ear. I couldn't get it out, so I went to Urgent Care so I didn't pop my eardrums. Turns out my allergies made my ears stop draining. After they rinsed my ears, I can now hear almost nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 103

Slob off

By Anonymous - 16/05/2023 12:00

Today, my mother guilted me into going with her to have lunch with my eldest brother. He showed up having obviously not showered, with filthy clothes, and the stench of rotten teeth on his breath. She criticises me for every little thing, but makes excuses for him being a jobless slob for 20 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 97

Pile on

By I miss bread - 14/12/2020 08:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 107

Protective

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 00:01

Today, I had to go cap in hand to my father-in-law to ask for a loan so I could pay the mortgage, so now he thinks I’m a useless bum who can’t support my family. The truth is it was his daughter the gambler who wasted all our savings, but I can’t bring myself to upset him by telling him the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 304

Rash decision

By Anonymous - 22/05/2023 18:00

Today, my girlfriend won't stop complaining about the recent lack of intimacy in our relationship. There's an easy solution to this problem, but I'm currently covered in poison ivy rashes and she refuses to let me touch her until they clear up. Guess I'd better get used to itching and whining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 222

Cut the apron strings

By Anonymous - 10/03/2022 06:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at 30 years-old, I can finally move out. I could have chosen an apartment close to work, but instead I decided to stay close to where my mother lives. Since I told her, she's been complaining that I'm selfish and I'm creating a lot of problems for her by moving so far away. I'll be living half a block from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 320

Bloggers gonna blog

By Anonymous - 23/02/2022 18:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend has an online blog that he updates every time we have sex. It’s ridiculously detailed, right down to the slight difference in the pink of my vagina and the slightly darker pink of my asshole. He's a dead man when he gets home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 978

You deserved it 216

Help, I'm stranded!

By LexMarie12 - 15/03/2017 18:00

Today, at work, it was so windy that it started taking the door off its hinges. The door now won't close all the way. I can't leave until someone comes to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 757

You deserved it 363

Anticlimactic

By Ray - 31/12/2020 16:58

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm the best lay of his life. I really wish I could say the same about him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 352

Iron Chef America

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 19:59

Today, I thought about trying something "new", so I put raspberry preserves and maple syrup on my waffles. It tasted like cough medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 461

Take a seat

By Cutting them off would hurt less than this - 15/06/2023 15:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, it's been a year since completely breaking a ligament in my ankle. Since then, my feet have gotten increasingly sensitive, walking or standing for longer than ten minutes feels like I'm being stabbed, and lasts long after I sit down. I work retail and they consistently forget to give me my breaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 116

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 18/06/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, after my landlord announced a "surprise" apartment inspection, I spent the entire night cleaning every room, scrubbing the oven, and organizing closets. The inspector walked in, looked around for 20 seconds, checked for a smoke detector, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 184

By zagzag - 05/11/2011 08:38 - Italy

Today, I’m in Rome for Halloween. I went out with few friends and spent the night with a man. The sex would have been really great if he hadn’t said, “God bless France!” every five seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 93

English very good

By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 16:00

Today, I slept in my parents’ room because there was a mouse in mine. My father speaks English as a second language, and is telling everyone that we’re sleeping with each other. Thankfully I’m old enough for it to just sound gross, not illegal. The last thing we need is a CPS visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 143

Not so cute

By Anonymous - 01/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 460

Enemy mine

By ToxicFamily - 04/12/2024 20:00 - Germany

Today, my brother-in-law is a complete toxic asshole who makes me have panic attacks. He nitpicks my house non-stop and always puts me down. I'm a normal, good person, but all I want now is for him to suffer greatly in life for all the horrible things he has said to me and about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 145

Nervous

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 20:00

Today, I went to see my girlfriend to talk about my anxiety, because it's been a big issue. She broke up with me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 131

Sibling rivalry

By Anonymous - 14/07/2023 00:02 - Switzerland - Zollikerberg

Today, I finally had an opportunity to flirt with the guy I have a crush on. We danced together all night and everything was going well… too well apparently, because out of nowhere, he kissed my sister, who knew about my crush on him but still kissed him back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 156

Ran out

By Never going jogging again - 10/02/2021 10:59

Today, I went on a jogging date with a guy I'd been on a couple of dates with. I was a little worried that I wouldn't keep up, but I did and everything was fine. Or at least I thought so. After we'd finished, he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 98

Tornado warning

By DontWorryImDead - 04/04/2022 10:00

Today, it's been more than 3 days since a tornado ripped through my neighborhood. Several were injured, and there is millions of dollars of damage. Not a single family member has called, texted, or stopped by to see if I need help or got injured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 104

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

By MandiJo - 19/02/2021 11:01

Today, my fiancé/son’s father’s death anniversary is in a few days. I asked my closest friends if they’d hang with me so I could try and keep my mind off it, and so I wouldn’t be alone (my son will be with fiancé’s parents). They couldn’t be bothered and want to go away for the weekend instead. Without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 164

Charmed

By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 10:00

Today, I couldn't figure out why my crush hasn't spoken to me since last October. My other coworkers finally explained that she's still angry at me because I kept referring to her Halloween costume as a "sexy witch costume". As fate would have it, it was just a regular witch costume. It wasn't supposed to be sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 649

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The Top

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 370

You deserved it 9 058

Today, I left 20 minutes early for school to get a good seat in class. I sat in traffic for 20 minutes before I even got on the thruway and for another 25 minutes once I got off the exit for school. Then I couldn't find parking at my university. I missed class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 959

You deserved it 808

Today, my girlfriend was watching an online video by some vegan girl with a bad fringe talking about bulk buying food to stay healthy. My immediate remark was, "Bulk buy a new fringe, bitch." It went very quiet before my girlfriend replied, "That's my sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 2 218

Today, I drank half a bottle of tequila and had an edible within 30 minutes. I couldn't remember a thing until this morning when my roommates told me I pissed myself on the couch, projectile vomited in the living room, and went on to fondle my roommates, who also had to help me shower. I have a designated seat on the couch now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 1 995

Today, after dumping my ex for being married, I realized he'd been my best friend too, and I have no one to tell the funny, mundane bits about my day. I never realized until now how much I needed that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 301

Today, I answered the door at my boyfriend's house to an obese woman, who looked and smelled homeless, and rudely tried to barge past me to get inside. I told her to get out or I’d call the police. My boyfriend behind me saw this disgusting woman and said those two awful words: “Hi Mom.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 472