The Top

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Too much information, thanks

By Anonymous - 15/07/2023 18:00

Today, I’ve had to listen to my parents discovering that they were both cheating on each other. As I left, they were screaming at each other. When I got home, not only had they calmed down, they were openly discussing whether their other partners might be interested in foursomes or swinging. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 140

Alexa, play "Blue Christmas" by Low

By Anonymous - 15/12/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me unless we get married within a year and have a baby. I don’t negotiate with terrorists but now I’m gonna be single and alone over Christmas, unless I wheedle myself into my brother's Christmas, but I think I’d just ruin it for his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 206

Greased Lightning

By Anonymous - 29/05/2019 16:07

Today, I got home from working at KFC and hopped straight into the shower. I could see that the water was being tinged yellow by the grease that had got plastered on me at work and was now coming off, so I started gagging and almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 219

Sacred spot

By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 02:00

Today, after I spent a fortune on plane tickets and hiked a mountain so I could spread dad's ashes around the boulder where he proposed to mom, and where mom's ashes were scattered 3 years ago, the moment was ruined by the fat, stoned teenagers having sex on the boulder here in the middle of nowhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 310

Happy Valentine's…

By Country - 12/02/2021 21:30 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I finally got my stimulus check and was big excited to be able to cash it and buy Valentine's Day gifts. The very second turn out of our driveway, dude and I got T-boned. Our only vehicle, with only two payments remaining, appears totalled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 182

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

By me. - 22/07/2023 10:00

Today, I told my mom that I'm bulimic and have been for a few years, and that I needed help. She responded by saying, "Well that's clearly not working for you. Why don't you try anorexia?" She then patted me on the head, smiled, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 157

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 93

Resistance

By Anonymous - 01/08/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the compact fluorescent light bulbs that I use to save money AND help the environment were too high of a wattage to put in my lamps. I've been doing this for years and completely missed the warning label on the inside of the lampshade that says that the lamp is only good for up to 40 watts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 728

Goodbye horses

By Not Again! - 14/06/2019 04:16

Today, while riding a massive draft horse, the horse thought it would be fun to walk under a very low apple tree that sat level with his back. A branch hit me and made me fall off onto a coil of barbed wire, twisting my ankle in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 383

There there

By Anonymous - 14/05/2022 10:00

Today, my husband came home mid-day and told me he could never EVER go back to our local Starbucks. A fart had gone wrong. Horrifically wrong. On a day he wore shorts. Have you ever had to hold in laughter while comforting someone having an existential crisis? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 158

Weeb

By MonroeA - 19/01/2025 08:42 - United States

Today, my husband declared that his “dream” girl is a petite, black-haired Asian girl between the ages of 18-24. I am 37, 5’9, and a blonde Caucasian woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 195

Hi uncle, I'm dad

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 00:30

Today, I found out I'm an uncle. Normally this would be great news, except I have spent the last 8 years thinking I was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 042

You deserved it 76

Leg day (and night)

By Anonymous - 09/08/2023 16:00

Today, after a long day at work, my legs were aching by the time I got home. Tired, I tried to go to bed early. Now the only thing preventing me from sleeping is the pain in my legs. It’s 4 a.m. now and no luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 109

Stealth bomb

By gassy - 03/03/2021 11:01 - Australia - Morwell

Today, my boyfriend and I were setting up a desktop PC we'd bought second-hand. In the middle of this, he stopped, frowning, sniffed the air a few times and said we'd better give it a good dust, because it smelt like burning. I'd just farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 930

Roommates from hell

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 08:01

Today, my brother and I were nearly made homeless by a good friend and roommate, because after repeatedly leading on my brother, and admitting she’s disrespected me all along, she and her boyfriend took off suddenly without a word of notice, leaving us to a house we can't afford alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 126

Values

By mira - 13/03/2021 17:01

Today, I told my mom I was leaving early to give my boyfriend a ride to work. She asked me why on Earth I’m even attracted to someone who doesn’t have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 419

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 10:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 120

I can't eat these

By brokedude - 14/03/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I got my birthday present from my dad. Instead of buying me things I told him I needed, he bought me collectible coins. I’m already stretched thin on my budget, and very stressed out. Looks like I’m living off Ramen and Oatmeal for the next 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 189

Word of the day

By Maryann - 19/03/2021 05:01

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that I'm not my girlfriend's only boyfriend. The other guy sells shoes on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 136

Jumping the gun

By kylie b - 06/09/2023 16:00

Today, my mom noticed that there weren’t any tampons in the trashcan during my usual time of the month, and promptly grounded me. I’m not pregnant, I just skip periods sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 115

The betrayal

By jealous of my friend - 14/06/2022 02:00

Today, after I invited my friend to a movie and she cancelled on me because she had to study, I obviously agreed and cancelled our tickets, I was scrolling through Instagram stories and came across hers, and saw she was with one of her friends in that same movie theater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 122

Who's Dusty?

By DumpedPlusSizeGirl - 21/02/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, the dog pulled out a dusty, size M thong from under our bed. I wear a size 3XL, so obviously it wasn’t mine. Only my husband and I live in this house. Not only was my husband’s affair inadvertently exposed, he impassively said, “The size of it should explain why I did it in the first place. Sorry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 317

Afraid of the dark

By Katie - 12/09/2023 10:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I went to the restroom at work, but I forgot the press on the button/timer because the lights were already on, then the lights turned off while I was in the stall. I had to finish my business and exit the pitch-black restroom while trying not to bump into anything or anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 210

Seize the means

By Anonymous - 21/06/2022 00:00

Today, the person recently hired to work in my spot during my days off started at a higher hourly rate than me, after I have been here for nearly three years. I asked for a raise and got a dollar more; meanwhile, my regional counterparts make 4 dollars more per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 179

Dates are there for a reason

By veeface - 24/05/2022 14:00

Today, I went to go cash a check that I'd been holding onto, so that I wouldn't spend the money until we really need it. When I was at the check stand, the man asked why I held onto the check for so long. I told him why. He went on to explain that the check had now expired, and I could no longer cash it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 1 572

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 15/06/2022 18:00

Today, I kindly asked my irate mother to respect my boundaries and to find other outlets for her frustration. Instead of responding AT ALL to what I had asked, she yelled at me for an hour about a completely unrelated political documentary she'd seen on YouTube, and then didn't apologize for her outburst. Typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 156

Doin' it for the 'gram

By My sister is a scumbag - 09/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sister refuses to talk to me because I didn't post her a "Happy birthday" in an Instagram story. It seems that the iPhone 12 I gave her as a present is just not enough. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 116

Bummed out

By Anonymous - 26/09/2023 10:00 - United States - Steubenville

Today, I finally decided to open up to my supervisor about my horrible depression. I was crying my eyes out in her office when she announced that she had to leave and go to a meeting, leaving me to cry alone in her office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 406

It's not a phase!

By Dumped - 24/04/2021 20:08

Today, my 36 year-old husband decided that I’m not his soulmate and he made a mistake marrying me. Why? Because he believes that the 19 year-old girl he met on his video game online thing is instead, and they’re "meant to be." We’ve been married for 5 years and had our second child a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 106

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The Top

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some Lean Pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 216

You deserved it 41 019

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 730

You deserved it 9 806

Today, my boss scheduled a staff breakfast at a swanky new restaurant for all the hard work we've been doing. The dining area is on the roof, and the building has no elevator. I've been in a wheelchair for 11 years. When I brought this to my boss's attention, he said it wasn't his problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 622

You deserved it 3 346

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 163

You deserved it 4 099

Today, I came home to tell my parents about my new nose job I got about a month ago. My mom always told me I should get one, so I didn't tell her right away to see if she would notice. I was home for about 20 minutes before she asked me, "So when are you getting that nose job?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 035

You deserved it 6 866

Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 170