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Assumptions

By Wathaveidone - 12/07/2021 02:01

Today, I saw a sketchy looking person frustratingly trying to open a BMW in the parking lot where I work. I ran outside to confront him and call the cops. Turns out, not only was he the owner of that vehicle, but he was one of our company’s biggest donors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 1 367

Mistaken identity

By Guess I was wrong - 16/03/2020 06:23

Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 434

Don't let me be misunderstood

By sadfacemaking - 20/07/2021 08:01

Today, my boyfriend bought me a ring for my birthday. My dad now refuses to talk to me, because he thinks I'm engaged. My boyfriend thinks it's funny, because he'd never marry me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 148

Scratch cards

By Just my luck - 16/02/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was gambling on pull tabs. My friend, never much of a gambler, asked to take one. I was confused but gave one to him anyway. I got precisely $0 from them. The tab I gave to my friend was a winner. How much was it worth, you ask? Six hundred dollars. I'm very happy for him, but… seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 373

You got played

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 22:01

Today, my son-in-law's parents were saying it was a shame our kids were so busy working that they have to babysit all day, four days a week. Me and my wife babysit three days a week, which is when we realised our kids have basically tricked us four grandparents into raising their baby all week, including weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 261

Nature is healing

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 18:01 - Germany

Today, I ended up in the hospital by accidentally eating poisonous berries, from a plant that I've known since childhood to be poisonous, which I also recognized as belonging to the nightshade family. I still don’t understand what made them look tasty. Brain fart of the century, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 1 258

This Charming Man

By single mom blues - 08/08/2021 00:01

Today, my dad told me I needed to "hurry up and find someone to marry" so my kids wouldn't end up "screwed up" from being raised by a single mom. Their dad died six months ago from Covid. Yes, he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 101

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

By ugh mom! - 22/04/2020 20:00

Today, my ridiculously paranoid mom was almost arrested after she caused a huge scene outside her apartment's leasing office. She demanded to pay her rent with a money order, even though they’re only accepting online payments due to the quarantine. She thinks they’re trying to steal her information. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 924

You deserved it 217

Sounds promising

By Anonymous - 01/11/2022 18:00

Today, I was at a restaurant with a friend when she said, "Oh, I have to arrange a meet up between you and a friend. She's just your type: she has daddy issues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 182

Full of it

By romoangel - 21/04/2020 05:00

Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 574

Not now!

By fml9124 - 25/04/2020 20:00

Today, the best manager I've ever had told me she was leaving to take a job at another company. I just found out my new manager is a guy that has destroyed three different departments in three years. He's the owner's nephew or something. I do not want to be looking for a new job during the Covid-19 pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 142

Sixth sense

By Anonymous - 12/08/2021 00:01 - United States - Wyoming

Today, I started crying at work for absolutely no reason. My pregnant coworker walked up to me and said, "Pregnancy hormones, huh?" I never even told her I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 280

Spider-Maaaaaaan

By 8 Legs plus 1 - 08/05/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 290

What happened?

By ....ew - 05/04/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 186

Creeped out

By deadman - 25/05/2020 02:00

Today, my mom came in my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Out of pure instinct, from hours of doing this to my girlfriend in this exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother-son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go" before I let her leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 2 124

uBlock, mate

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 05:01

Today, my husband has been in a bad mood all week, so I finally demanded to know why. He told me his favourite porn site has suddenly started showing adverts, so now he can’t wank in peace anymore without pop-up ads appearing every 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 252

Well shit.

By Trist - 09/08/2018 14:30

Today, after moving 1,400 miles across the country, quitting my full-time job, and selling most of my furniture to attend flight school, I got a call a month before my start date saying that they are closing my location. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 362

You deserved it 192

Bye bye love, hello loneliness

By Lonley Lesbian - 17/06/2020 02:02

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush out. Also today, she changed her Facebook status to "In a relationship." I'm so damn lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 324

i'm not paid enough for this shit (and piss)

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, at work, an old lady dropped her lipstick into the ladies' room toilet, which is out of order and won't flush. I had to reach in and pull it out amid human waste. She thanked me, then uncapped it, and put some on her lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 94

Kids is hard work

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 22:59

Today, I told my husband I wanted to make him happy by giving him a baby. He told me either I can make him happy, or I can give him a baby, but I can’t do both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 880

Treat yourself

By Anonymous - 06/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was attending a spa weekend that my husband got me, while he watches the kids. He'd swore he’d only call me in emergencies. So far he’s called me 18 times with questions on basic parenting like, "Where are the nappies?" and, "Can babies eat yoghurt?" Emergencies, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 127

Christmas hint

By SpongeBob - 26/12/2022 18:00

Today, my wife gave me my Christmas gift, a novelty kitchen sponge, then suggested I try it out on the sink full of dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 1 076

Red flag

By Nicky - 15/05/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, we realized we had a problem with two appliances. Their manuals were in a high cabinet. My husband got down the one for the appliance he was working on, but left the one I needed up too high for me to reach. I got the step stool and said, "OK" as I climbed up. My husband flipped and yelled that I am "disrespectful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 106

Kinda weird

By Cassie - 30/11/2025 03:00

Today, I turned 15, and I am allowed to wear a bikini now, so I modeled for my family. My brother (who's 18) was really wowed when he saw me. I asked what's wrong; he said, "Nothing, which is the point. I know you're my sis, not my girlfriend, but damn you have a pretty body." Is it OK that my bro thinks I'm hot? FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 172

There must be more to the story…

By Jobless - 22/05/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally mistyped "one sec" as "one sex" in a group chat at work. I apologized and corrected myself immediately, but some bitch with too much free time was so offended that she reported me to HR anyway. I'm suspended while they look into it, and my girlfriend is convinced I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 108

Meddling

By sotter42 - 20/07/2020 17:01

Today, my father-in-law decided he was going to just completely take over our engagement party, so now my fiancé just wants to go to Reno and get married there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 165

Merry little Christmas

By Anonymous - 06/12/2025 15:00

Today, I was uninvited to the family Christmas party. Apparently, everyone is tired of me "refusing to watch or discipline my own kids". Sure, one of them is autistic and has violent meltdowns, but I thought it took a village to raise a child? FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1 064

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 12/01/2023 04:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend, whom I live with, has been having an emotional affair with two other women, both ex-girlfriends. He's been sexting them during our one and a half year relationship, and even brought me up in their conversations, about how I'm not hotter than them and how they can suck his c**k better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 245

Free labor

By Stopmakingthishurt - 17/11/2021 01:56

Today, I finally accepted my mom will never be a good person, and I'm looking forward to her dying. Apparently, she'd been telling everyone I was a difficult child. I was cooking dinner for her and her boyfriends way back in elementary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 117

Let me stay!

By Anonymous - 17/11/2021 23:00

Today, I quit my job, mainly because I didn't work enough hours and thus, earn enough money. In the past, they said there isn't any other paid work they could provide. They've now added different tasks, more money, and more hours to the position. I'm helping to find a replacement for a job I would otherwise apply to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 177

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The Top

Today, I came home to find water dripping from the ceiling in my apartment laundry room/pantry. All of my groceries were ruined. Maintenance's suggestion? "Put a bucket under it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 749

You deserved it 719

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read, "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 162

You deserved it 3 073

Today, three of the four stalls were occupied in the restroom. I took the fourth stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I heard, "Hey, how's it going?" I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 273

You deserved it 11 500

Today, I went to my fiancé's mother's funeral. His step-sister proudly announced that she's pregnant with his baby and they are engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 176

You deserved it 323

Today, I was messaging a girl on a dating app. Things were going well so I thought I'd ask her to meet. She had listed hiking as an interest 3 times on her profile so I suggested we meet at a state park. She told me she doesn't hike on a first meet and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 924

You deserved it 729

Today, my ex, who I still live with, invited he’s best friend (a drama starter) and his new love interest over for dinner while I was at work. Now I’m outside, waiting for them both to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 346