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Hey guy and girls, OP here. As someone mentioned drinking age is different in Germany. Roughly speaking: Beer and Wine at the age of 16, the hard stuff at 18. So don't worry about me being an underage drinker ;) they probably thought so since i had someone over before, when they were gone, but always told them. They're cool with it though. Also i definitely do not have an alcohol problem. Actually i rarely drink at all. These were just two nights in a row on which i enjoyed sitting outside, looking at the sunset, listening to music and drinking a glass or two of wine. So i didn't even get drunk. Concerning the drink from the bottle tip: rest assured it will be taken into consideration for the next time :D

By jwolt92 - 25/10/2016 02:27 - United States - Bourbonnais

Today, I felt something wet and warm on my arm. I looked down and saw a kid with his mouth attached to my arm. Didn't expect that out of a third grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 650

You deserved it 709

By PhantomKitty - 21/10/2016 03:07 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I called in about a job application I put in over a week ago. Apparently, the branch of the company that I applied to was never given my information, and the position was filled days ago. I've been checking the status of the position online daily, and it still says that it's open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 275

You deserved it 917

By Anonymous - 31/07/2017 20:00 - United States - Hurricane

Today, at work, I wanted to scare my best friend, who is also my coworker. Thinking that he was cleaning the women's bathroom, I snuck in and right when I was about to scare him, my store director came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 916

You deserved it 3 890

By RetailScapegoat - 16/09/2017 20:00

Today, I was fired for job abandonment. Yesterday, my boss told me to go home early because we were so slow. After I reminded him, he laughed and said, "Oh yeah... You're still fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 575

You deserved it 272

It's only a bit of liquid fun, come on!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 20:00

Today, I asked the guy I'm dating if he could not drink on our next date, because he ends up drunk-driving every time. His response was, "This isn't working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 332

By whatislife1969 - 08/10/2017 04:30

Today, my work had an employee party at the park and I drank a little too much vodka. Towards the end of the party, I found myself making out with a tree in front of all my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 4 890

By oogabooga9 - 08/11/2017 15:00

Today, I was clearing out the garage when a large bouncy ball rolled into the drive. Only when I blasted it full force with my foot and collapsed did I realise it was actually a bowling ball. Two of my toes are broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 4 402

Mom of the year

By Yuni - 08/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant that I always go to, and one of the cute waiters gave me a discount. My mother called me a whore in the middle of the restaurant, then slapped me when I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 593

You deserved it 385

Modern romance...

By Anonymous - 29/11/2017 15:31

Today, I sent a great-quality booty pic to two of my love interests. Instead of sending it individually, I accidentally made a group chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 8 762

Personality crisis

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Marietta

Today, I told my dad about my new diet. He somehow figured I was only doing it to look more attractive to guys, because he told me my weight is fine and that it's just my personality that needs work. Thanks a lot, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 971

You deserved it 2 011

Major red flag

By Karissa - 24/08/2021 10:01

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 166

Long time coming

By I'm the boss, not you - 26/04/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 2 584

By someone something - 09/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was finally able to come home after 4 months in a hospital recovering from brain surgery and physical therapy. While taking a walk around the neighborhood, my new neighbor's Rottweiler ran after me. I tripped while running, got bit, and went back to the hospital for stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 521

You deserved it 185

Man spitting truth bombs over here

By Robert - 19/11/2020 08:08

Today, I found out my cat had died overnight at the vet's. She died alone in the dark, in a cage. Meanwhile, Donald Trump, an old, narcissistic, overweight sack of shit, survived COVID with millions of tax payer dollars in healthcare. I'd rather my cat had been the one to live; at least she made life nicer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 1 056

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 878

You deserved it 398

By gotadirtydick - 14/04/2017 22:00

Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 460

You deserved it 509

Dumbass

By SpookyBiscuits - 27/12/2016 16:27

Today, my boss wants to sort people in his contact list by last name, so I showed him how to switch the sorting from first to last. He tried to correct it by writing the first name in the last name spot and vice versa. Now he wants me to go through and change them all back. All 200+ of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 901

You deserved it 524

By mandosfriend - 23/10/2016 17:15 - United States - Pomona

Today, I got yelled at by a man for not opening my store 10-15 minutes before the scheduled opening time, which made his 84-year-old wife shit her pants waiting to get in. It didn't matter when I explained I had no way to know she needed to use the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 234

You deserved it 721

Pink Lightsaber

By Obi-Wan - 08/09/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I walked in on my 17 year-old son masturbating. He froze, raised his hand and tried to use the "force" to remove the memory. I'm regretting ever having let him watch Star Wars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 486

Party pooper

By jeremyr5678 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 953

You deserved it 4 910

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Pregnancy Kids Family Money Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Friends Holidays Annoying

The Top

Today, I called asking about a job I interviewed for 3 weeks ago. It's a scummy call center where known drug addicts work. They told me I wasn't getting the job. I guess my high school diploma and being drug-free makes me not good enough to work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 000

You deserved it 4 764

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 811

You deserved it 4 317

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 754

You deserved it 53 605

Today, I woke up to the inside of my house covered in bees. Hundreds of them. I have been complaining about a bee problem to the HOA for two weeks, and their response has been, “The hive was taken care of." Well, a few hundred bees inside and a few thousand on my outside wall beg to disagree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 130

Today, as my stalker was finally led away in handcuffs, my auntie asked if maybe I was being a bit harsh having him arrested, and maybe I should give him a second chance because he seemed like "a sweet man", and "it’s not like I have any other men lining up to date me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 103

Today, I attended my high school reunion and was feeling good about the gym progress I’d made. Looking fabulous, I was ready to relive my glory days when I got into a conversation with someone I didn’t recognize. He had to remind me that we were in the same chemistry class for two years. I had no idea who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 432