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By Ashley - 07/09/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 616

You deserved it 25 321

Star Wars brain

By cl4ptp - 14/08/2012 12:17 - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 261

You deserved it 7 707

By Confused - 23/03/2012 15:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 162

You deserved it 5 431

By goldie09 - 18/02/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 824

You deserved it 5 236

By MikeNick - 17/12/2011 07:59 - United States

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 728

You deserved it 9 805

By siikman313 - 12/09/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 615

You deserved it 3 947

By sandwichmaker - 17/07/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 759

You deserved it 3 427

By lilbit - 26/08/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, while at an amusement park my husband left me to walk with all of our friends because he said that I moved too slow. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 043

You deserved it 6 161

lilbit09 tells us more.

lilbit09 0

Thursday 27 August 2009 15:16

ok...first...this trip had been planned by our church almost a year in advance, so everyone already had their tickets to go. second...there were about 5 other people in our group that didn't like riding rollar coasters so we all went on the boat rides and the train rides, and to the shows. third...my options were go to the amusement park and hang out with friends all day, or sit at the office for half the day and then go home by myself and do nothing. fourth...i don't understand how deciding to have a child with your husband makes you a ****. can anyone explain that to me? oh, and by the way being pregnant may make you slow, but it doesnt make you boring. boring would have been staying at the house doing nothing all day.

By FirstKiss - 13/07/2009 15:00 - Canada

Today, I had my first kiss at a party. Later, I was told that the guy had been dared to kiss the ugliest girl in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 794

You deserved it 6 678

By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 18:12 - United States - Mount Clemens

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 836

You deserved it 6 561

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 15:44 - Canada - Sydney

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 614

You deserved it 3 327

By oregongrl1991 - 29/01/2010 03:32 - France

Today, my fiancé told me he didn't have the money to make payments on my engagement ring and that I either have to return it, or make the payments myself. Now we aren't engaged any more, and are "dating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 968

You deserved it 4 466

By TheFlash - 22/06/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was down at Disney World. Me and my buddy decided to take our pictures in a photobooth. While in the tiny space, I thought it'd be funny to flash the camera. A women barged in as soon as I did so, screaming "You know there's an outside video feed, right!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 391

You deserved it 65 622

Inappropriate, honey

By Jessica - 15/05/2009 00:03 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 136

You deserved it 47 730

By ricksterile - 29/10/2011 00:44 - United States

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 103

You deserved it 10 865

By Allergic - 24/01/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 381

You deserved it 3 464

So many questions

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself, "I wish I had a boyfriend like that…" I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 352

You deserved it 14 343

Bodyshaming

By auslander - 12/08/2009 20:13 - Switzerland

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 801

You deserved it 7 937

Boomer humor

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday. When asked last week, I said I wanted a keyboard. When I opened the present, my parents went into hysterics. It was an electronic Dora the Explorer keyboard. I've been studying music composition and theory for six years. They think my major's a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 922

You deserved it 6 157

By thepixies842 - 19/05/2014 15:34 - Canada - Warkworth

Today, at my job at a fast-food restaurant, I once again got called into the men's bathroom to break up sex between two homeless people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 134

You deserved it 6 471

thepixies842 tells us more.

thepixies842 6

Monday 19 May 2014 20:24

McDonalds.. let the puns roll:)

By honorstudent - 13/05/2010 02:18 - United States

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 246

You deserved it 8 262

By kelly - 21/03/2011 07:07 - Estonia

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 337

You deserved it 4 788

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 01:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 397

You deserved it 4 767

By zahra_786 - 11/04/2013 09:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 026

You deserved it 8 919

zahra_786 tells us more.

zahra_786 19

Thursday 11 April 2013 22:48

Hey guys OP here! I loved reading the comments! So this was the first week or so he had moved in, so I set up my playstation 3 for us and the other three flatmates to allow him to get to know us and speak to us since he was new here! When I kept beating him, he started shouting stuff in Italian (he's a foreign student) and then at the end he started using my religion as the reason for my win! LOL. I also beat his ass on FIFA..but he had no ridiculous excuse there ! :Dp.s. he's hopefully moving out soon so its all good!

By w00tz - 27/03/2009 05:12 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said there was someone else, and that he has been in love with her for a while. Turns out, the new girl was his online video game character. I got dumped for a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 828

You deserved it 9 336