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By Anonymous - 09/05/2017 04:00

Today, I walked in on my husband drinking the breast milk I had bottled for our child. His defense was that it's easy to confuse the container for the normal milk with the one for the breast milk. Can someone please explain to me how a person can confuse a milk carton with a baby bottle? FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 395

You deserved it 557

By IJustWantedCheez - 27/09/2016 17:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 052

You deserved it 3 053

Backhanded

By eliinu - 02/09/2016 02:45 - United States - Middlesboro

Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 185

You deserved it 934

By Jenny - 29/12/2017 01:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I discovered the importance of having sex before marriage. We found out that my husband is gay on our wedding night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 985

You deserved it 1 676

This ain't gonna end well

By PureFallPain - 23/11/2019 20:00

Today, I'm catfishing a guy on Twitter. I didn't mean to start it, I had an account I used to vent with, and I used a pic with a cute girl. He sent me a DM saying he liked my pic. He wanted to talk on the phone, and we have fallen for each other. He thinks I'm 18. I'm a 39 year-old single mother of 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 5 734

By dexter - 15/01/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had lunch with a couple of my friends and a guy I like. Another guy I have a crush on came and ate with us too. After lunch, one of the guys I have a crush on told me the other guy I like is sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 694

You deserved it 4 985

Health goals

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 622

You deserved it 2 919

Wakey wakey

By 30000 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 501

You deserved it 13 219

By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 523

You deserved it 820

By Anonymous - 11/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, by helping my sweet, caring boyfriend get over his crippling insecurities and develop some confidence, I've turned him into a lying, cheating asshole I can't stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 497

You deserved it 1 492

Horno

By horno - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I asked my dad why the WiFi was down. He just replied, "Why? Horno can't get no more porno?" No, "Horno" has an assignment. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 690

You deserved it 2 643

By Shrimpy - 16/03/2019 20:00

Today my girlfriend and her 3 friends walked in on me doing a solo performance on myself. They stood their quietly and videoed it unknown to me. And then afterwards laughed and made fun of how small I am. And to make it worse forwarded the video to everyone. Now everyone calls me shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 166

You deserved it 530

By some explaining to do - 25/12/2016 08:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my uncle's house to celebrate Christmas. His kids don't have their own phones so I let them play with mine. They sent all my contacts messages saying I love them, including two of my ex-girlfriends who both immediately wanted to make up and started to frantically call me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 368

You deserved it 3 182

By madeline9322 - 20/12/2016 03:15 - Canada

Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 606

You deserved it 799

By Ellen - 21/11/2009 00:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that you should always make sure the car is in 'park' before you get it on wildly in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 279

You deserved it 30 434

By hikingtospace - 04/10/2016 15:25 - United States - Hilliard

Today, after laying down to sleep, my boyfriend seemed like he was having trouble trying to say something. After asking what was wrong a couple of times, he said, "I don't want to do this anymore" and got up and left. I had planned on telling him I love him. Saved myself some embarrassment I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 633

You deserved it 960

By Offended - 19/02/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 354

You deserved it 3 003

By pedestrian - 26/01/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I let my friend borrow my car. She parked it in a towing zone, and it was towed. The best part is, it was towed by a bogus towing company. The cops assure me it's safe in a chop shop somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 071

You deserved it 4 587

Our soles

By Gregory - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 838

You deserved it 6 644

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 08:49 - United States - Crestview

Today, we were running a special at work that I had previously been told was an online-only special. After the general manager corrected me, I used the joke excuse of, "It's my first day". The customer replied, "I can tell". I've worked there two years and I'm the assistant manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 399

You deserved it 5 236

New year, same shit

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on New Year's Eve. An hour later, I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the New Year with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 791

You deserved it 4 536

Ugh

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, formal portraits of my entire class were posted online, with about five photos per person. As my mom was looking at them, she was commenting about how pretty all my classmates look. When she got to my photos, all she had to say was, "Ugh". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 872

You deserved it 2 557

By heckaza - 19/01/2016 06:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I went to visit a suburb that was named after my family. Within five minutes of walking around I was mugged and then beat up. My family name has certainly done well for itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 662

You deserved it 1 947

By Anonymous - 27/04/2017 07:01 - United States

Today, I went to work with a splitting headache, after being ridiculed for calling out with a migraine previously. It was only after I started vomiting blood at my work station that management decided I could go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 746

You deserved it 702

Kitkat7291 tells us more.

Kitkat7291 4

Thursday 27 April 2017 1:34

OP here - I've tried to leave an update a few times but it never sends -_-' I did go to the hospital that day and the over all verdict was in fact an ulcer. I'm on really strong antacids now. I also quit that job 2 weeks after this post, but only after securing another one. I'm much happier now, thank you everyone!

By MATTY2512 - 13/07/2016 18:13 - Canada - Marshall

Spicy

Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 852

You deserved it 2 482

By yardswoman - 29/06/2016 23:01

Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 155

You deserved it 1 734

By Anonymous - 21/06/2016 23:24 - United States - Winder

Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 585

You deserved it 1 098

Nice try

By Peel - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, while I was leaving a restaurant, the very handsome waiter, whom I had been trying to hit on all night, said to me, in front of everyone, "Why did you write your phone number on the table with hearts around it? You know I won't call you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 071

You deserved it 7 890

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 505

You deserved it 2 273

Booze 'em young

By ChiefKoala - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Harriman

Today, whilst in church, my brother's Sunday school teacher asked him what he loved to drink, to which he replied, "Beer." We have no idea why he said that, and the church is still talking to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 179

You deserved it 1 786

ChiefKoala tells us more.

ChiefKoala 30

Monday 18 January 2016 8:56

So actually, this is my FML, but i didn't know if it would let me do a follow up since I have a different user name. So now to tell the whole story. My brother was very young and my family isn't big on alcohol; the most they drink is during the holidays when they're with family. Anyway, The church basically exiled us because they thought we were all raging alcoholics. I just heard mom telling the story and thought i would post it. it goes to show that kids really will say the darnest things haha. He's 13 now and I'm 21, so now he knows what beer actually is, and definitely doesn't say that's his favorite drink.

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went to the osteopath because I've been having knee pain. The verdict: I have arthritis. Last month, my hairdresser told me I was already starting to have white hairs too. I'm celebrating my 16th birthday in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 529

You deserved it 309

Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 374

You deserved it 439

Today, I visited my mom at the graveyard first thing in the morning. Not even 24 hours after the funeral, someone’s dog had taken a massive, liquidy shit all over her grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 70

Today, while drinking and catching up with a ex that I still love, she invited a guy over, flirted with him right in front of me, then went home with him, When I messaged her to say I found it disrespectful as fuck, she replied with sorry, she didn’t mean to hurt me, and that she misses me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 1 396

Today, I pulled a prank on my friend by making a fake Tinder profile just to catfish him. All our friends came to make fun of him, only to realise that he'd stood me up. Turns out, never showing for first dates is his way of playing hard to get. Now everyone is laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 1 816

Today, I watched the new Fallout series, which was pretty good… except for the fact that Ella Purnell looks a lot like my ex. Now it’s 6 a.m., hours before I have to wake up, and I can't keep myself from crying. I broke up with this girl for a number of reasons which seem somewhat valid now, but I regret it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 343